


Black Beloved Red

by Querel (Rednaelo)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, F/F, F/M, Grub Fic, Grubs, M/M, Quadrant Confusion, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2014-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-07 02:29:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rednaelo/pseuds/Querel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story has been discontinued.  Thanks for all your comments and support, everyone.  I'm sorry I couldn't give you an ending but, you know, sometimes that's just how things go.  Thanks again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And so it begins.  At this point, I don't have much to say since we're just starting out. I'm so excited about this fic.  I love grubs.  They're so cute.  But that's not till later, so I hope you'll stick around!  Here's some smut to get you started.
> 
> A big thank you to [Eresu](http://eresu.tumblr.com/), my beta reader for this fic. Hope you're looking forward to working on this with me, because I'm stoked. :D
> 
> -Querel

Karkat put his hands on the wall. Trembling fingertips followed the scratches, the places where his claws had dug in so many times before.  To Karkat, they were like scars that marked his own life: a reflection of what had become of his heart.

He shifted a little, nudging the bucket between his feet a little when his ankle knocked against it.  A deep breath…his eyes closed.  Dave’s hands smoothed slowly up the back of Karkat’s legs, starting from the tender spots at his knees and sliding upwards, leaving a tingling squeeze at his ass before continuing all the way to his shoulders.

When Dave inhaled, Karkat breathed in too, his back meeting with Dave’s chest and his hands gripped by those long, calloused fingers.  Their naked bodies were echoing forms of another, met together in silence and heat against the living room wall of Dave Strider’s hive. 

Karkat shuddered.  When he did, Dave pushed his hips forward a little and shifted them both.  He guided Karkat’s hands until their right arms rested against the wall.  And then, with his left hand, Dave stroked Karkat’s palm down his own chest, all the way until he cupped the moistening folds of his nook.

Dave’s fingers shifted, moving to gently reveal those darker, wet places of Karkat’s body and the troll shivered again, his fangs scratching as his bottom lip as Dave whispered hotly against his neck.

“Take as long as you want,” he said, the first drips falling hushed to the bucket below, “We’ll do this all night.”

Karkat felt his heart crumple down on itself and the annoying pinch and ache at a sudden lump in his throat.  But he told himself he wouldn’t…not in front of his Kismesis.  He took another deep breath and refocused on the soft stretch of his own flesh as Dave held the lips of his nook apart. 

Karkat’s fingers touched at the sheath of his bone bulge, touching in slow circles to try and coax it back.  Behind him, Dave nestled his face into the crook of Karkat’s neck, mouthing where his lips were pressed with little scrapes of his blunt teeth and following it with swipes of tongue.  A shy coil of Karkat’s bulge eventually slipped out and when it did, Dave fingers stroked along it.

When his hips jerked back at the sudden contact, Karkat could feel Dave’s erection even more prominently.  He wrapped his fingers around Dave’s hand and rocked with the shallow thrusts against his nook, more of his bulge sliding out until the entire length curled around both their hands.

There were sighs and soft groans, sharp hisses and bitten-back moans and after a while, Dave dug his nails tightly into Karkat’s hand against the wall and licked the curve of his ear before saying,

“Brace yourself.”

He pushed in.  It was always too much.  Karkat—being a smaller troll and definitely smaller than the long, lanky lines of Dave Strider—didn’t have the room in his nook to comfortably fit that sizable human bulge.  Not that Karkat ever complained about it.  Or ever would.  Black romance was better with an edge of pain to the pleasure and even then, as Dave pushed all the way in and tested the limits of Karkat’s hot, dripping insides, the troll could only moan in the building ecstasy that nudged him closer to the tipping point.

The sloppy sound of Karkat’s bright red bulge undulating around both their arms and a fresh splash of genetic material spurred Dave to movement.  He began gently, as he always had, to thrust in and out of Karkat, the movement all in his hips as he didn’t want to separate any other contact with the troll he was wrapped around and wrapped inside of.

“Dave,” Karkat gasped softly as Dave’s cock nudged against that spot inside of him and more red spilled out of him in a sudden gush.  “Harder….”

“Hold on,” Dave murmured.  He fingered gently at the root of Karkat’s bulge as the strength and pace of his thrusts increased. Karkat’s mouth fell open and he moaned.  Despite the change in Dave’s rhythm, he was still somehow tender, not as ruthless as he usually was.

Karkat noticed.  And it just ripped into his already crumbling heart.

“Dammit, Strider!” he cried, digging his claws into the back of Dave’s hand that touched him so softly, “Quit treating me like a wriggler and fuck me!”

“Then let me go for a sec,” Dave said.  Karkat pulled his nails from Dave’s skin and helped guide his twining bulge away from their arms.  The energy was slowed and Karkat had the moment to settle a little, catch his breath and try to ignore that ache in him. 

Too focused on himself and not enough on Strider made Karkat yelp when he was suddenly spun around and slammed into the wall.  His eyes flashed to the sight of Dave staring straight into him—always an unnerving realization—and then yanking Karkat’s knee up to shove Dave’s cock inside of him. The troll groaned loudly, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he leaned against the wall to support himself.  Dave drilled ruthlessly up into his nook, not taking his eyes off Karkat’s face, even when his bulge curled instinctively around Dave’s erection.

“Oh gog, that’s it,” Karkat sighed, his hands reaching up to dig into Dave’s freckled shoulders.  The foot that dangled up in midair bounced little with every thrust and when Karkat began to hear Dave’s slipping from tight breaths to low moans, he opened his eyes once more to watch the face breathing near to him.

“Tighten up, boy,” Dave huffed.  Karkat tried.  The clench of his muscles set another edge to the pounding ache in him, another highlight to the sweet streak of pleasure that spiraled from the oversensitive nerves of his bulge all the way to the haze in his thinkpan.

Dave leaned in and slid his tongue into Karkat’s mouth, stroking along the length of Karkat’s tongue as the sweet pump of Karkat’s insides kept him on edge.  Karkat moaned into Dave’s mouth and pulled their chests flush together.  Anything to get closer…. Anything to feel that heat….

Karkat hooked his leg around Dave’s middle and Dave took the opportunity to grab at Karkat’s ass and pull him down hard into each push.  Gray fingers worked their way up Dave’s neck, tangling his fingers into those soft and sweaty blond locks.

They kissed, their breath mingling as rushed exhales from their noses and Dave slipped his fingers through the red mess dripping down Karkat’s thigh.  That slickened digit teased up against Karkat’s asshole and Dave bit down hard on Karkat’s bottom lip.

Karkat arched his back hard and cried out as he came.  His nook contracted and there was a great slosh of genetic material into the bucket below them.

“Dave…Dave…nngh!”

“Mmmh, so good,” Dave sighed, nuzzling his nose against the nape of Karkat’s neck.  His thighs trembled and he gave one last thrust before that sweet sensation drowned out all except the firm weight of Karkat in his arms. 

Karkat levered himself up onto Dave, clinging like a baby koala with his face in Dave’s neck.  The human chuckled, stepping carefully around the bucket as he carried Karkat over to the nearest couch and laid down on it.

It was a race to recover breath and regain sanity. Karkat told himself to wait, becoming slack and boneless as he rested against Dave’s damp chest.  The gentle heave of it against him lulled Karkat’s mind away from the clarity to a place of contentment.

Dave kneaded gently at Karkat’s thighs and the sticky remnants between his legs.  Karkat closed his eyes and sank. 

As the pleasure began to fade away, leaving only the red and purple aches behind, Karkat drew back to reality.  Like turning the last page of a book with the lopsided weight of a beloved story in his hands, one he could only put down now that he had reached the ending.

He bit his lip again, eyes scrunching up as he did. No…no, he told himself he wouldn’t.  He told himself….

Karkat let go.  He pushed himself away from Dave and got to his feet. 

“Going somewhere?” Dave asked, sitting up, eyes widening a little.

“Home,” Karkat said lowly.  He bent over and began gathering his clothes together, putting them back on with a bit of difficulty.  Dave watched him, eyebrow raised.

“…for real?”

“Yeah.”

Karkat finished dressing, facing away from Dave and his piercing red scrutiny.  He tried not to think about anything.  Not what he was doing or what he just did or what would happen in the future.  A few steps away, there was the bucket full of expelled genetic material.

He scoffed.  What an appropriate end….  The culmination of a relationship in a bucket, where his own bright red drowned out whatever bit of Dave might’ve ever been present.  Discarded and worthless….

“I’ll see you later, Strider,” Karkat said, slumping towards the door.

“Whoa, whoa, hold up.”  Dave caught up with Karkat and snagged his hips.

“What do you want?”

“What’s with the cold shoulder?” Dave smirked a little as he ruffled Karkat’s hair.  It faded quickly in the face of Karkat’s glower.

“Are you seriously asking me that?” Karkat grumbled, glancing aside, unwilling to look Dave in the eyes. 

A sigh escaped Dave’s lips and he reached out, putting his hand against Karkat’s face.

“Let me kiss you,” he said gently.  Dave rubbed his thumb in little circles on Karkat’s side and tilted his head to try and catch that weary gaze.  Karkat shook his head a little, running his tongue along the shallow rips where Dave’s teeth had torn into his bottom lip.  “Come on, Kitty….”

“Fuck you, Strider,” Karkat snapped.

Dave slipped his hand under Karkat’s chin and turned his head.

“Let me.”

With the brush of Dave’s lips and the careful stroke of his tongue, Karkat felt his heart shatter.  He told himself he wouldn’t, but when he pulled away and looked straight into Dave’s eyes, tears welled up.

“I h-hate you, Strider,” he whispered, barely audible.

“Yeah, I know,” Dave said back.  “You tell me every time.”

Karkat nodded and stepped away from Dave’s hold, leaving without a backwards glance.  Halfway home in the middle of the night, Karkat fell to his knees and wept.  Dirt clotted the creases in his clammy palms as Karkat choked on things unspoken and wishes that were swallowed before they could ever see light.

It was the end of the only romance Karkat had ever shared.  And he couldn’t even leave it happily because in his heart, Karkat knew that his…ex-Kismesis was about as black for him as the stars in the sky.  But it only made sense.  It was just what he deserved for not hating his Kismesis the way he was supposed to.  Now, Dave wasn’t his anymore. 

Karkat breathed.  He wrapped his arms around himself and went home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have much to say, really. I’m happy about the character dynamics in this story. You’re going to see a bit of everyone in this story. I don’t know if you guys are excited about it, but I definitely am. In other news, my brains aren’t working. I love you all.

The caves were growing warmer by the day.  Kanaya had started sewing herself a few sleeveless work shirts.  So far she’d managed to keep them all clean; quite the accomplishment if she said so herself.  It was messy work, tending to the Mother Grub, particularly since the birthing season had finally begun.  Not that the many hundreds of eggs the great mother delivered yielded any new life.  They were all blank ova without any genetic material to fertilize them.

With a sigh, the thought of her lack of success rolling unpleasantly to the forefront of her thinkpan, Kakaya picked up the journal she kept on the nearby table and sat on the ledge of the nest.  The steady breathing of the Mother Grub provided a soothing backdrop as Kanaya’s delicate fingers turned the pages to her bookmark.

_On the days before the Drones come, I spend most of my time collecting the empty eggs so that I can use them at a later date.  The incubating mucus is sufficient for most of the grubs but I’ve noticed that the ones who are at a greater risk for neglect during the lusus scouting fare a lot better if I feed them the eggs.  The extra protein helps strengthen them for the trials and it gives use to what is typically discarded._

“Good morning.”

Kanaya looked up from her book to where Rose was approaching.

“Is the sun up, then?” Kanaya asked as she tilted her head a little to accept the kiss Rose gave her.

“It is.  Thank you for making breakfast.”  Rose smiled as she sat next to Kanaya.  “Never expected to enjoy human cuisine made by a troll.  I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Kanaya rolled her eyes.

“It is a joy to sift through your self-righteous comments to try and find the compliments buried beneath them.  Highlight of my day.”

“Glad to be of service,” Rose said.  She reached over and touched her fingers to the old pages of the journal Kanaya held.  “Any wisdom the Lady Dolorosa can offer about collecting genetic material from sexually stingy friends?”

“I’m afraid she didn’t have such issues,” Kanaya sighed, “what with terrifying imperial Drones looming over the concupiscent couches of trolls worldwide....  She didn’t have the supply problem I’m running into.”

“If you like, I can go stand outside people’s hives and threaten to curse them until they start filling buckets for you.”

“Because that sounds like a completely sound and reasonable suggestion,” Kanaya laughed.

Rose smiled and leaned in to wrap her arms around Kanaya’s waist and pull her in.  

“Honestly, it’s fine,” Kanaya insisted after nuzzling Rose’s temple.  “I understood after generating the Mother Grub that it might take a while for the other trolls to gain enthusiasm.  We’re still young.  And without lusi, we’d have to raise our own young.  No one’s quite prepared for that.”

“Hmm.” Rose got to her feet and turned to look at the Mother Grub.  “Ideally, I suppose the two of us would probably be the best candidates to fertilize Mummy here.”

The sudden electric stirring in Kanaya’s middle sent her blinking up at her lover.

“But that’s,” she began, carefully, “not very realistic.”

“What do you mean?” Rose asked.

“Well,” Kanaya took a moment to collect her thoughts, “as a human female, your zygotic matter is difficult to access.  That, and as an egg-giver, there would be issues with the mechanics.  And also….”  Kanaya sighed and looked down at the book in her lap.  “Even if we did find a way to manipulate your genetic material into a medium that could be utilized for procreating purposes, as a different species, I really doubt that you and I could successfully sire a grub.”

Rose smiled sweetly down at Kanaya’s face. 

“It’s a new world,” she said gently.  “You never know what might happen.”  Kanaya’s eyes widened a bit.

“Have you seen something?”

“Nothing definitive,” Rose said, wiping the slight dampening of sweat from Kanaya’s brow.  “But I’ve heard whispers.  Rest assured that your goal of repopulation isn’t lost before it had the opportunity to take root.”

The troll girl smiled.

“I believe you.”

“Well, good.”  Rose gave Kanaya’s shoulder a squeeze before she turned back to the stairs.  “I’m off to visit my unfortunate brother.  I’ll be back in time to make lunch.”

“I’d like tomatoes for my salad, please,” Kanaya called.

“Yes, my dear,” Rose answered.

Outside, the morning sun was still easy in its glow.  Pale pink and yellow rays drifted down gently through the trees and the summer winds were still soft and cool.  Rose walked along the stone cobbled pathway from the front door of the hive she shared with Kanaya.  It was an elegant cottage set beneath a canopy of magnolia trees and overlooked the greenest stretch of the pastures.

Rose had never really pictured herself as a country girl but she found the setting quite relaxing.  Particularly now that it had become summer once again and the wildflowers colored the verdant hills with vibrant swells of yellow and purple. 

It had been a little over three years since Alterniearth had been created, sprung from the cosmos like a sudden supernova after their game had finally come to a close.  A beautiful planet, home to things familiar and strange.  When the remaining trolls and humans had landed in these fields—named Emeralands by John and Terezi—everyone was expecting an entire world full of new life. 

And while it was true that in the great, regenerative impulses of the universe, there was new life given, it was restored to those who were already beloved and familiar.  They descended from the night skies in bubbles.  And when the thin, opaque shields burst, they left behind trolls that had been resurrected.  Everyone was together again.

Rose smiled when she remembered it, how there were outbursts of excitement and joy and many multicolored tears wept.  Apologies and confessions of love and then an amazing party that lasted for days. 

Shortly after everyone was finally reunited, they all made the decision to settle there.  Everyone built their own hives using alchemized troll technology.  Rose had settled right in with Kanaya for by then, they had already been in agreement that cohabitation would be the next step for their relationship.

And now, as everyone had finally reached the golden human age of twenty, begun to get over everything they thought had once mattered and decided to make contact with the world that hadn’t found them yet, half of the company had decided to leave and explore the planet. 

Rose had stayed behind to help Kanaya in her work with the Mother Grub.  Dave stayed behind so he could be with his lovers.  Though, last Rose had heard, they probably weren’t his lovers anymore. 

She wondered about it as she continued along the way, watching the dragonflies and flutterbugs as they lazed through the early breezes.  Jade was coming home early.  She had apparently exhausted the room in her sylladex to carry back all of the new produce she’d found while exploring and was returning to get a head start on planting for her new greenhouse.  When Dave heard the news, he’d gone into one of his week-long  bouts of not really saying anything to anyone deals and emerged from it by saying he was going to make his boyhood dream come true: marrying Jade.

But, in order to even get her to consider dating him, he’d have to drop his comfortable practice of Troll polyamory—Terezi being his Matesprit, Karkat his Kismesis.  The most recent conversation Rose had with her brother consisted of a lot of sarcasm, thinly veiled insults and an underlying understanding that even though Dave had made his decision, Rose wasn’t really convinced that his heart was in it.

Last night was supposed to be the last night Dave spent with Karkat and though Rose would’ve normally stayed well out of the way, she decided to indulgently go stick her nose into Dave’s business because she knew for a fact that Karkat wasn’t there. 

And that worried her.

Dave’s hive wasn’t anything too impressive.  A one-story deal with white walls and a white roof.  He didn’t really decorate the exterior save for a cushioned porch swing that was very well used and happened to be where Rose found Dave as she approached.  He was slumped back on it with nothing but his shades and a pair of loose pajama pants on with a few scratched mosquito bites along his collar between hickeys and fang-scars.

“You didn’t even bring me apple juice,” Dave muttered, lifting his head up a bit from where it had been against the backrest.

“Did too,” Rose said, reaching into her sylladex to pull out a cold bottle and hand it to him.  “It’s fizzy.”

“Aw, sweet.”  Dave took the bottle from her and cracked it open, chugging it.

“You’re welcome.”  Rose sat down next to Dave and curled her legs up under herself.  The swing rocked gently back and forth and Dave gave a little sigh when he finally pulled the bottle away from his lips.  Then there was silence.  An easy quiet as featherbeasts began seeking their morning meals.  After a while, Rose spoke up.  “I didn’t expect to find you awake.”

“Insomnia got to me,” Dave said, knocking his bottle against the armrest a few times.

“Hmm.”

“Ask me whatever you want, really, I’m game.”

“Are you alright?”

Dave leaned his head back again and sighed with a shrug.

“Guess not, if I can’t sleep.”

“You didn’t tell him you loved him, did you?”

“Give me more credit,” Dave groaned.  “Not that you would really understand the joys and complexities that comes from banging two trolls at opposite ends of the spectrum, but it sucks to break up with two people and lose all that bitching and kinky sexy at once.”

“Right, of course.”  Rose rolled her eyes and shook her head.  “You’ll be fine in no time.”

“Course I will,” Dave said.  He took another drink and got to his feet.  When he arched his back, the bones in his spine cracked and made Dave let out a long sigh.  “Terezi and I are peachy and sweet as heavy syrup in tin cans and Karkat….”

Rose blinked, tilting her head a bit to try and see Dave’s face.  But she couldn’t.

“I’ll be back to harassing him before you know it.”

Rose smiled a sort of half grin and got up to pat Dave on the shoulder. 

“He’ll come around,” she told him.  “You were his first.  It’ll take a while to get over that.”

“No need to tell me twice,” Dave said, turning to ruffle Rose’s hair.  “I can wait.  I’ll get my bitchy buddy back.  Don’t mind waiting.”

“Well, that’s very mature of you.”

“Quit with the patronizing and feed me.  That’s the whole reason you’re here, isn’t it?  She Who Is Well Versed in The Ways of Fattening The Melancholy….”

“Yes, yes, into the hive, now.” 

Rose ushered her brother back inside, and closed the door behind them.  Dave wandered right into the kitchen, pulling a box of pancake mix out of the pantry and yelling back that this called for chocolate chips.  Rose paused in the living room, staring across the way to where a bucket was set near the wall.  She raised an eyebrow, only the faintest touch of blush rising in her cheeks.

She made no comment, though, and proceeded into the kitchen.

The Derse siblings spent the better part of the next hour making breakfast and talking about whatever happened to come up.  Rose didn’t mention anything else of Karkat or Dave’s breakups.When Dave asked about Kanaya, she gave an honest answer and reported that the Mother Grub was quite healthy too.

“Any takers for the baby train yet?” Dave asked with his mouth full of syrupy pancakes.

“Kanaya has a few couples lined up,” Rose said as she finished stacking the pans in the sink.  “No one’s yet delivered on their promises.”

“Well, let me know when one of those wrigglers hatches, okay?  I’m eager to see how weird troll babies look.”

Rose chuckled.

“Never took you for the kind to like kids,” she said, passing him on the way out of the kitchen.

Dave shrugged.

“Say what you like but kids are just tiny people.  And some people I like and some people I don’t, just like anyone else.”

Rose turned back to smile fondly at her brother.

“You really have grown up, haven’t you?” she said.

“ ’Bout time, huh?  Thanks for the food, Rose.  Think I’ll go to bed soon.”

Rose nodded. “Sleep well.”

When she left, Rose quietly captchalogued the bucket and returned to the summer sunshine with a smile on her lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the beginning is kinda slow, guys. But I promise it’s gonna pick up soon. I’m not good with plot development. XD I just wanna get to the good stuff like the rest of you. We’re almost there; stay with me! 
> 
> -Querel

When Karkat awoke, it was already night once again.  He took a deep breath and pulled himself up off the floor with a sore skull and stiff spine.  For a while, he stared at the wall, trying to figure out if he was mad at himself for falling asleep.  Eventually, he decided that he couldn’t find the energy to give a shit and stood up, slumping off towards the kitchen.

Not that he was hungry; Karkat put the kettle on anyway and sat down at the table where his husktop was still open.  It wasn’t on, of course.  Karkat had nothing to say to anyone; there was no need to have Trollian open.

Karakt’s throat was dry and his eyes burned a little.  Everything was dark and empty with only the keening of cicadas bleeding through the walls.  The blinds only let in thin stripes of the moon and starlight.  Karkat ran his fingers over the keyboard of his husktop , listening to the points of his claws as they flicked between the plastic.

As much as Karkat still felt the sick and heavy ache in him, he was already tired of heartbreak.  He sighed and let his head fall into his hand.  The bad part was that even though he didn’t want to feel such pain, it wasn’t like there was anything he could do about it.

He wanted to be with Dave.  Dave didn’t want what Karkat wanted.

It was agony.  A similar but absolutely more unbearable feeling to what Karkat had started with, however long it was ago when his first lingering black romance began.  He remembered being in that very room, pacing the floor in fury before finally coming to a halt in front of the refrigerator, realizing that he was more livid at Dave for encouraging John and Vriska’s relationship than he was mournful over losing John as a potential Matesprit.

It was an intense moment.  One that bloomed around Karkat like the burst of a firework, full of different shades of unsettled desires.  First there was the smoldering backdrop of frustration from having such feelings in the first place.  Then was the sudden repetitious sparks of impulse: to yell, to find things and change them, to upheave the stable.  He just wanted to disturb something peaceful and spread his restlessness to try and quell it because Karkat couldn’t find a modicum of stillness anywhere in himself.

So he left his hive and went right to Dave’s front door, kicking it until there was finally an answer.  And as soon as he saw the barely-concealed smirk on Dave’s lips, Karkat knew that those pyrotechnic emotions were rigged quite purposefully.  And like those explosive feelings, Karkat just blurted out the words that had been gnashing in his fangs since that epiphany in his kitchen.

“I fucking hate you, Dave Strider.”

Karkat had never felt like anything had ever been so true in his life.  It was a wonderful feeling, unloading built-up worry, frustration and anguish in those words, letting the burden of his turmoil fly right into Dave’s face.  And by that smug grin on his lips, Karkat could see that Strider was perfectly willing to pick up the gauntlet.

“That right?” Dave asked.  “Why don’t you come in and tell me all about it?”

He could recall the dare in those words so clearly….  As if there hadn’t been almost three years between that moment and the present.  But Karkat was hesitant and more or less unwilling to think about the wild and wonderful hate-makeouts that ensued shortly after those words had been uttered.

He sniffled and realized that his kettle had been hollowly hissing for a while, all of the water boiled away in his nostalgic neglect.  Karkat quietly got to his feet once again and turned off the burner.

The hive was still empty.  Karkat was alone.

“Fuck this.”

He pivoted and stomped all the way to his respite block, snatching up a backpack and stuffing clothes into it.  Fuck if he was going to shrivel away in that hive just because of an empty quadrant.  Karkat had no patience for his own heartache; he was going to put it to an early death.  What better way to speed the process along than by retreating to the pale canopy of his Moirail’s care?

Karkat was busy shoving his favorite blanket into the bag when he caught sight of the broken sickle that he kept on his bedside table.  He slowed….  And with a frustrated growl, Karkat shoved the weapon into a drawer, unwilling to think back on any more memories.

~♠~

The first thing Jade could see was the windmill.  It was far off but bright, like a white ribbon in the coppery dawn.  The sight of it was her final rest after days of travel.  Even with her Space abilities, it still took quite a bit of effort to get home.

The blades of the windmill turned gently in the distance, a kind of forlorn motion that reminded Jade of how far her brother was.  He’d be home before long.  But for now, Jade had the rest of her friends to get home to. 

With a last burst of stamina, she transported herself to the windmill’s balcony. 

“Whoa!”

“Ack!”

Jade’s equilibrium tilted and she pitched backwards.  Strong arms reached out and wrapped around Jade’s middle and pulled her until she became safe in the cradle of an embrace.  She blinked.  Looked up.

“Hey there, girl.”

Jade beamed.

“Dave!” She threw her arms around Dave’s shoulders and squeezed as tightly as she could.  “Oh, Dave!  I missed you so much!”

Dave chuckled gently and held Jade close nuzzling her hair and fluffy ears.

“I will admit that without you around, things were definitely a lot quieter,” he said.

“I hope that means you were bored,” Jade scolded, punching him in the arm.

“Sure, that can be what I meant.”

“Dick.  Take me home.”

“Gladly.”

The windmill was quite away from where all the hives were gathered.  So there was a while for the two of them to walk together.  Dave asked if she wanted a party to celebrate, which Jade quickly turned down, insisting she wanted to get right to work as soon as she had her strength back.

“I have so many new plants!” she was telling Dave when they finally entered her hive.  “My favorites are the Waterballoon Melons.  Oh, they’re all so cool; I can’t wait to start growing all of them!”

“Mind if I help out?” Dave asked, dusting off one of her couches before sitting down on it.  Jade turned and looked at him with a disbelieving grin on her face.

“You want to help me doodle around in the dirt?  I thought you had more important vessels to fill other than flower pots; your trollfriends won’t be too pleased.”

“I’m single again.”

Jade’s smile dropped off her face.

“You are?”

“Yeah,” Dave said, leaning back against the couch.  “There’s this girl I know—she’s kinda cute, button nose, nerdy glasses, dog ears—and I kept thinking how rad it would be if I could be her boyfriend.”  He turned his head to face Jade and her rapidly reddening face.  “Think that’s something that could happen for me?”

Jade just stood there, blinking in bewilderment.

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” she repeated in a tiny voice.

“Come on, Jade, lines like that aren’t as cool if you have to repeat them.”  Dave ruffled the hair at the back of his head, trying to hide where his ears were turning pink.

Cautiously, Jade went over to the couch and sat down next to Dave, reaching a hand out to wrap her fingers around his. 

“Don’t try to be cool to me, Dave,” she said with a quiet chuckle.  “I already know how much of a dork you really are and that’s my favorite part of you.” She scooched a little closer and leaned her forehead against Dave’s.

“Are we negotiating your agreement?” he asked after a few moments of silent consideration.  “Cuz, I’ll be as dorky as you want.”

“Just be you, dumb-dumb,” Jade laughed.  She smiled.  He smiled right back.

To Dave, Jade’s kiss was like nothing else.  It was sweet and gentle and she smelled like the dew-covered grass in summer sunlight.  When she nestled herself against his chest, she was light and just a little squishy: comfortable and warm.  Not all elbows and grumbling, horns and claws.

It was different than what Dave was used to but he was easily taken in by the new experience. 

“You do know that if you want to help out with the greenhouse, you’ll have to wake up before noon, right?” Jade asked, tickling her fingers at his stomach a little.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“Right.  Now get up; Feferi said she would be making lunch for me when I got back and I do not intend to miss that!”  Jade grabbed Dave’s hand and pulled him up to his feet.  They left the hive together, holding hands the entire time while Jade rambled about Purple Peppers and Dave tried to figure out what the fluttering twist in his stomach was.

~♠~

“What am I looking at, exactly?”

“I thought it was obvious.”

“Oh dear….”

“Don’t feel like you’re obligated to utilize it.  I just thought I’d bring it over in case you maybe wanted to do something more than collect blank eggs and sigh all day about ‘when shall I ever see the children?’”

Kanaya scowled.

“For once, I wish you wouldn’t tease me so,” she said with a sigh as she approached her work table.  On it was a metal bucket, about two thirds full of genetic material.  Kanaya stared at it, flushing a deep Jade from the tip of her slightly upturned nose to the tips of her gracefully pointed ears.  The contents of the bucket were an unmistakable bright red and—as far as Kanaya could tell—nothing else. 

“You said you got this from Dave’s hive?” she asked, turning back to Rose, who was leaning against the doorframe, smiling in her passive-aggressive way.

“I did.”

“Then it’s very possible that some of…uhem, Dave…is in here too, I suppose.”

“Could be.”

Kanaya’s brow tightened and she bit down on her bottom lip. Rose raised an eyebrow at her.

“I don’t know.  I don’t know how I feel about this.”

“About what?” Rose asked.  “You haven’t done anything.  You’re just standing in front of someone else’s bucket looking nervous.”

“It’s what I’m considering that I don’t know about.”

“That you’re considering it in the first place should dispel some of your doubts.”  Rose wandered over from the door and stood by Kanaya’s side.  “Look, you said yourself that’s it’s not very likely that a troll and a human can generate young in such a way.”

“But this is life, Rose,” Kanaya said, sighing.  “What if it turns out that there is a grub, only because of the strange genome, it ends up being mutated or horribly disfigured?  What then?  I don’t think I could live with such guilt.”

Kanaya was caught off guard when Rose suddenly took her hands.  When she faced her, she found the Seer with her eyes closed, outlined in a faint orange glow.  Kanaya’s eyes widened at the sight but she waited patiently.  When her powers faded away and Rose opened her eyes again, she gave a small smile.

“You’re going to decide to use that bucket,” Rose said.

“Why?  What convinces me?”

 “Because everything will be fine.”  Rose gave Kanaya’s hands a squeeze and Kanaya laughed.

“Have I ever told you how frustrating it is to live with a Seer who won’t tell you anything?”

Rose shrugged.

“I don’t like to give spoilers; it ends up ruining my fun when I get to tell everyone, ‘I told you so.’”

“Pfft.  Well, help me with this bucket then,” Kanaya said, gesturing to it.  She walked over to the nest where the Mother Grub was resting, watching them with her big, dark eyes.  Kanaya acknowledged the Mother gently, stroking her side and speaking to her gently.

“How exactly is this done?” Rose asked as she levitated the bucket over with one of her needle wands.  Kanaya giggled at her as she pulled her gloves on.  She moved around to Mother’s abdomen and knelt down.  Rose crouched next to her as Kanaya gently massaged her fingers along one of the Mother Grub’s segments.  She stopped after a moment and then carefully used her hands to spread the milky flesh, opening a rather sizable orifice.

“Just right in there, huh?” Rose said, the look on her face capturing a great expression of bewilderment and slight disgust.

“Go ahead,” Kanaya encouraged her. “Be careful with it.”

Rose gave her wand a little twirl and then slowly the bucket began emptying inside of the Mother Grub.  The genetic material was sucked in after a few muscle contractions, leaving no traces of red anywhere to be seen. Kanaya backed away; Rose put the bucket down.

“So,” Rose asked, giving Mother a gentle pat, “that’s that, then.”

“Indeed,” Kanaya said.  “In about a week, we’ll see if there’s any yield.”  She pulled her gloves off and as soon as she did, Rose reached for her hand again.

“Whatever happens,” Rose said, leaning in to kiss her, “I’ll be here to help you.”

“Spoiler alert,” said Kanaya.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm-hmm. Emotional distress, lalala. This is fun. I hope you guys are enjoying this story as much as I am. Heads up, I have a ton of work to do this week, so I might not be able to get the next chapter up as quickly but I’m gonna do my best because I love you guys. <3
> 
> -Querel

Gamzee lived with Tavros at the edge of the commune in the heart of the key lime orchard.  The trees were young, but still gave quite a bounty in their harvest.  They were a gift from Jade upon his rebirth and together with Gamzee, Tavros planted and raised them.  And there, in the shade and citrus scents of those trees, they spent most of their time together. 

So Karkat wasn’t surprised when he pulled himself from catatonia and felt no presence in the hive.  He looked for the clock; it had been three hours since he sat down in the corner of the guest respiteblock and didn’t so much sleep as let his brain stop. 

Karkat reached up and felt the skin under his eyes but there were no pinching lines of dried tears to scrub away.  Finally… Enough of these blackouts and he knew eventually he’d stop waking up in tears, one way or another.  Karkat creaked up to his feet and shuffled outside, only bumping into a wall once.

By the time he was out on the screened porch, Karkat just slumped into a rocking chair and stared out into the afternoon, looking to see if he could find his Moirail in the groves.  Through the buzzing of the cicadas, Karkat could hear the distant harmony that was Tavros and Gamzee talking to each other.  He sighed, pushing his feet listlessly to wobble back and forth in that rocking chair.

When Karkat had first arrived, he turned down Gamzee’s almost immediate offering of a feelings jam, wanting nothing more than to be somewhere where he could sit and not do anything but not have to think about himself either.  And not be alone.  So he parked himself on their couch and listened to them try to pull dinner together.  Karkat said he wasn’t hungry.  They made food for him anyway. 

Surprisingly, the smitten couple had been very considerate of Karkat’s more or less unspoken desire to be left alone but not really.  He’d come out of his respiteblock at unpredicted intervals and quietly insert himself into their company.  They never asked questions, never tried to make him contribute to whatever they were doing.  Just smiled and put food on his plate.  Gamzee would pat Karkat’s head every now and then.

And that was enough.

Today, though, the fifth day Karkat had spent at Lime Hive, he found himself softened.  But there was a weariness in that realization.  Karkat wondered if it would really be worth it to go wandering out in the groves, looking for Gamzee.

He didn’t have much time to think about it.  Tavros walked in, the screen door smacking shut behind him.  He carried a rather large bucket of limes in his arms.

“Oh, uh, good morning!” he said, smiling down at Karkat.  It was funny, really.  After his rebirth, Tavros shot up like bamboo—out of nowhere—developing into this tall, lean and athletic troll with a set of rather impressive horns (forcing the hive’s doors to be almost as wide as they were tall).  Even so, he still retained this cautious demeanor, though he definitely was no longer host to the pushover he once was.  But that was a story for another time…  “Gamzee’s a little ways out if you needed him.  I’m gonna be in the kitchen for a while.”

“Thanks.”

Tavros blinked, obviously not expecting an answer from the sullen troll who still wore oversized sweaters like it was the middle of winter.  He grinned anyway and went on inside.

Karkat got to his feet and ventured into the sunshine.

Though it was brighter than anything and he had to walk with his nose pointed at the dirt, Karkat could smell the thunderstorm rolling in from the south.  He thought about the last time he journeyed to the sea.  And then he stopped thinking about it.  That wasn’t a memory he particularly wished to revisit.  Not now.

“Well, hey there, Palebro.”

Gamzee was reclined sloppily in a hammock strung between two posts driven into the ground.  Near his head, there was an umbrella planted to shade him since the key lime trees weren’t nearly tall enough for the job.  Karkat stood there, staring down at Gamzee’s dopey, grinning face.  The summer breezes rocked the hammock back and forth and it made the creaking noises of rope stretching on weathered metal.

“You gotta be boilin’ in that sweater there,” Gamzee said.  “Why don’t you go ahead and peel that right off and come join me in some sweet reclination?  We can get our snooze on right here in the sunshine.”

Karkat scoffed, a glower twitching at the corner of his mouth.  Gamzee sat up and reached for him, going for the tugged-out hem of the black cables and lifting it upwards.  He was met with no conflict, and Karkat just ducked and shrugged out of the sweater, letting it fall to the dusty ground.

“You ain’t like you used to be,” Gamzee commented, shifting so when Karkat climbed up into the hammock, they both didn’t swing straight onto the ground.  “You’re all…motherfuckin’ limp.  Real quiet and empty.”

“I’m just tired,” Karkat said, letting Gamzee wrap him up tightly. Gamzee intruded on his imposed solitude, breaking straight through and covering him.  Karkat wanted to cry again.  The feeling of being too full welled up and stuck in his stomach, in his throat. He swallowed it back and scrunched his eyes shut, pressing his face to Gamzee’s neck.  “And angry.”

“Guess you would be.  It’s an awful thing that motherfucker did to you.”

“No, dammit, it’s not him I’m angry at.”  Karkat’s voice cracked.

“Is it Pup-sis, then?”

“No, no, not her….” 

Gamzee furrowed his brow and threaded his fingers through Karkat’s hair until he found those nubby horns.  He traced the root of one and Karkat hiccupped a bit until the soft sound of his purring buzzed against Gamzee’s side.

“Then I figure you got those feelings all pointed at your own self, ‘m I right?”

“Mmh.”

“Thought so.” 

The sudden gusts of the wind blustered about the trees and high above them, the clouds rolled through the sky, tinged with the silver rain that was sure to come in but a few hours.  Shade fell about the lime grove as the sun was swept behind the gauze of cumulus. Gamzee stared up at those clouds and smiled.

“You can’t be all angry at yourself for falling in love,” he said, letting the thought stretch quietly.

“No,” Karkat said, “but I sure as hell can be angry about lying about it.”

“What, you’re sayin’ you never did have romantic interests?”

“Because I would definitely waste my life in a relationship that meant absolutely nothing to me.  Of course I did, Gamzee!”

“Then whacha been lyin’ about?”

Karkat choked on the truth.  Saying it out loud, to someone else…. He knew exactly what it would do.  It would hurt.  And then he’d have to move on.  Let go.  And in the very deepest parts of him, Karkat didn’t want to let go.  Even if it hurt.

“I can hear that.”

Karkat furrowed his brow.

“What?” he asked, incredulous.

“I can hear all them crowded, nasty thoughts just slitherin’ around in your thinkpan.  An’ you know what else?”

“What?” Karkat repeated, a bit more exasperated.

“You need to open up that pretty skull and let me shoosh-pap those ugly motherfuckers into peace.”

“Pardon me if I’m not too eager to strip off my bones to show you my unmentionable insides.”

“Don’t make me cut your head off.”

Karkat tilted his head and looked up into Gamzee’s sweet, smiling face grinning right back down at him.

“Don’t even joke like that,” Karkat grumbled, snuggling back against Gamzee’s side.  The bigger troll chuckled happily and kissed the tip of Karkat’s horn.  “Cut it out….”

“Look, if you don’t feel like ownin’ up now, I’m not gonna make ya,” Gamzee said gently.  “But promise me ya won’t stay silent for too long.”

Karkat let out a long sigh, looking absently at the strong angle of Gamzee’s collarbone where it cut sharp over his bare chest. 

“Fine,” he gave in. 

“Tha’s what I like to hear.”

Gamzee gave Karkat’s shoulder a little pat and then silence swirled comfortably in what spaces it could find between them.  Far away, the thunder whispered of the coming rains and left a lullaby for Gamzee to hum his dizzy tunes to while Karkat tried to convince himself that he wasn’t falling asleep.

~♠~

Kanaya gently swept her hand through the collection of eggs.  Her eyes darted between them, searching for any sign of color.  Next to her were baskets of the blank eggs, many full to the brim.  She was taking great care to sift through the broods, searching…. With each passing day, the anticipation wound tighter and tighter.  And with each search without yield, Kanaya found herself simultaneously relieved and heartbroken, her disappointment a lingering sensation that led her to pace before the bay windows in quiet turmoil.

In the day, after all her tendings concluded the twelve hour period, Rose would  sit at Kanaya’s side and read to her, trying to soothe the troll’s anxieties with classic fiction, straight from the alchemiter.  But the craft of Nabokov and Faulkner didn’t ease what troubled her lover. 

“Haven’t  you got anything more pleasant?” Kanaya would ask, shaking her head with a weary smile.

“What could be more pleasant than the taboo?” Rose answered.

“Maybe something more…innocent.  Childlike….”

Rose then gave Kanaya a kiss to her forehead and generated a copy of “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” from her dimensional archive. 

“Rose…,” Kanaya mumbled, “roses…white roses.  Just white….  White, white, white roses when there ought to be….”

Kanaya lost her breath.  A stillness shocked through her and settled in her middle as an electric fluttering.  Trembling fingers reached out and plucked one egg from the mass of many.  And as Kanaya looked at it, her heart twisted. 

It wasn’t white but a pale pink, with a sickly, gray membrane about it.  Kanaya choked and blindly reached for the Dolorosa’s Journal, her gloved fingers fumbling for the right page.  Tears clouded her eyes in jade as she read.

_Eggs that have been healthily fertilized will have a rather vibrant color and a glossy sheen to them.  Those that are dull, damaged or opaque are miscarried and—_

The book fell from Kanaya’s lap and she looked mournfully back to the egg in her hands.  For some reason, the only thing she could think of was how it was so small…. 

“What’s the matter?”

Kanaya looked up and found Rose there with an obvious frown on her face.  A few tears slipped down Kanaya’s cheeks and she held out her hands, offering the egg to Rose.

“It died,” she whispered, turning back to continue her work, for she had to find something to fill her mind and crowd out the sadness. 

Rose cradled the egg in her palm, sighing.  She walked from the nest and searched along the wall cabinets for something to put the miscarried egg into.  Eventually, she found a smaller basket and lined it with a measure of white fabric before letting the egg rest there.

“What does it mean?”

Rose turned to look back at Kanaya, who was faithfully gathering the blank ova to store them.  Kanaya didn’t look back, though.  She sucked in her cheeks like she always did when she was upset and focused a little too intently on her task.  “Conception was possible.  But the number is so little.  A typical couple could probably generate up to four dozen grubs, with only a ten percent chance of any of them miscarrying.”

“Kanaya,” Rose consoled, drawing near to her, “you know that a couple that consists of a human and a troll couldn’t compare to a couple with two trolls.”

“Regardless,” Kanaya sighed.  She looked wistfully into the still substantial clutter of eggs and sifted through them.  “There is no satisfaction in this….”

“Don’t let yourself be discouraged,” Rose said, standing next to Kanaya with the basket tucked in the crook of her arm.  “You can’t afford to dwell on grief.”

“I know….”

Rose reached out and stroked her finger gently along the curve of Kanaya’s jaw, causing her to look up, blinking away a few more tears.

“Let me make you some tea,” Rose said gently.

“Thank you.”

Rose departed.  Kanaya smeared the last tears from her face and stood to take the baskets of eggs to the storage alcove.

It was an inauspicious genesis to her efforts.  Kanaya reached in herself to figure that she couldn’t keep unrealistic expectations of something she had almost no idea about.  She was new to this, experimenting with cross-species genetics.  Of course, she would’ve asked for help but the neighborhood ectobiologists weren’t available.  One was halfway across the planet and the other was a little too close to the current situation to be an appropriate assistant.

The guilt about that was beginning to plague her.  There was now one successfully conceived child of Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas, dead.  And they had no idea.  Kanaya gritted her teeth together; and they never would.  She would never tell them. If all these conceptions turned out stunted, she would never breathe a word.

With all the vessels stored, Kanaya returned to the nest to continue collecting.  She was rapidly running out of room in that closet.  Soon, she would have to find another alternative for the blank eggs.  With another soft sigh, Kanaya reached into the eggs and shifted them around, trying to seek hope for herself.

When a flash of vivid red caught her eye, Kanaya’s hope found her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Well, the first one, anyway. :P Sorry it took forever to get to you but it’s here now! Yay!
> 
> -Querel

Dave watched as Karkat sank gingerly onto the bed, clutching at the wound in his side.  The troll’s eyes were scrunched tight and the sharp sound of air being sucked past his fangs hissed in Dave’s ears.

“Move,” he said softly, nudging Karkat’s hand.

“Yeah right,” Karkat growled, curling away.  “Planning on shoving your grubby, nail-bitten fingers in there, Strider?  Give it a few twists for good luck?”  Karkat’s eyes opened, leering in dark slits as he caught his breath and more blood dripped onto the sheets.  “Well, as much as I am in the mood for some good, old fashioned gut-fucking, I think you’ll do us both a favor by shoving both your hands up your excrement tube and sulking quietly in the corner.  Fuck. Off.”

“Oh my god, stop talking.”

Dave snatched Karkat’s wrist and yanked his hand away, reaching for the gaping hole in the fabric of his shirt before ripping it straight in half.

“The fuck—!”

Dave put his hand to the place where he had stabbed Karkat.  A clean puncture, an inch or so deep, bleeding beautifully and just making the stars in the troll’s eyes reel; seconds ticked by and another shred of coherency was lost. 

And then Dave was sitting there, straddling Karkat’s hips with a needle and thread in his fingers, holding Karkat’s head to the pillow by lodging the length of his arm between Karkat’s jaws.  The troll’s angered and panicked protests came out muffled against the freckles of Dave’s flesh, his tongue thrashing.

“Bite down when it sucks,” Dave muttered, pulling up his shades to rest on top of his head before leaning over again and bringing the needle back to the wound.

The steel pushed through Karkat’s skin.  His eyes widened, letting in life and light and the naked air.  He choked, trying to breathe and finding a mouth full of skin and saliva.  The needle pushed out again and Karkat yelled without volume, his teeth digging deep into Dave’s arm.

Dave paid no mind to his own pain, choosing instead to focus on his task of sewing up Karkat’s wound.  It was the first time he’d ever done such a thing, but he had a pretty good idea of what he was doing.  Bro had done it for him before.  The guy was never really enthusiastic about hospitals and would avoid trips if he could.  So, a few times when Dave would get messed up from a strife, he’d find himself sitting on the edge of the bathtub while Bro stitched him up again.

Now, he used what memories he had of those times to try and piece Karkat back together.  One standard-issue Blackmance strife gone a little overboard.  Not that spilling blood was bad; watching the fierceness grow in Karkat’s eyes each time Dave landed another strike was invigorating, if not altogether amusing.  But this was just a little too much.  Dave didn’t actually like to hurt Karkat.  He just wanted to goad him.  Come at me.  Again.  Again.  Don’t ever stop chasing….

And Dave put the blame completely on himself; too wrapped up in the rage and glow of those fiery eyes to remember that the guy had vital organs behind that tough troll skin of his.  The instant Karkat’s eyes went from burning to snuffed ashes, Dave felt his stomach turn to a rock.  He quit flipping his shit when he saw that Vantas still had enough bite to forget how to shut up.

Karkat’s blood-soaked hands gripped at Dave’s sweaty shirt, shredding the cloth with his talons as Dave patiently pulled Karkat’s flesh back together.  Every now and then, he’d glance up at Karkat’s face, which alternated focus between staring dizzily at the ceiling and glaring at Dave with a sort of half-conscious passion.  Those teeth were sunk in deep.  They both would end up with scars after that.

When Dave was finally done and he tied the final knot and pulled his arm out of Karkat’s mouth, they were both exhausted and wordless, in tatters and sticky with blood and sweat.  So in Dave’s mind, it only made sense to strip down the rest of the way and push his hips up against Karkat’s.

That was the gentlest fuck they’d ever had.  Just Karkat’s lazy bulge wrapped around Dave’s erection and their hips just rocking a little to make the friction pick up.  Sleepy boys with kisses that tasted like blood.  Dave held gently with his hands on Karkat’s bony hips and was attentive enough to make sure Karkat got off in the end, even though he looked like he was going to pass out any second.  His noises were different.  Not the tense growls and endless curses that Dave was used to.  Karkat made these little gasps and purring sighs, his eyes heavy and dark.

As Dave stood near the entrance of the greenhouse, running his fingers over the crescent shaped-scars on his forearm, he thought about that night long ago.  That was the night things became different. Something changed.  Granted, he continued his black romance with Karkat for months to come, but it never seemed to go back to the volatile powder keg it used to be. 

That wasn’t a problem with Dave.  If he was honest, he wasn’t super dedicated to the intricacies of the quadrants anyway; the divisions between loving and hating were more or less negligible in his mind.  He just couldn’t really find it in him to actually hate anyone, especially Karkat.  Terezi figured it out early and didn’t care.  Rose knew from the beginning and probably had a textbook she could fill with theories.  Karkat….

Dave blinked.

Well, that boy probably would’ve shoved his sickle down Dave’s throat if he sensed Strider’s intentions were anything but honestly black.  Or, at least, that’s what Dave thought.

Dave guessed it really didn’t matter now that he wasn’t Karkat’s anything but a person on the sidelines, new monogamy to entertain himself with and the hope that maybe one day he’d have his friend back.  Karkat was his friend, after all.  He furrowed his brow and considered how when they eventually did return to speaking/interacting terms, they’d have to find a new favorite pastime together since Dave was pretty sure their well-practiced game of Let’s-See-How-Many-Times-I-Can -Bite-You-Before-We-Start-Ripping-Each-Other’s-Clothes-Off wouldn’t be the most appropriate.  Neither would Dave’s secret indulgence of stroking Karkat’s horns when he fell asleep.

Dave sighed. 

Without another thought on the matter, he moved into the greenhouse.  It was warm and stiflingly humid.  It was easy enough to find Jade since most of the great glass room was filled with seedlings and was nothing compared to the jungle it was sure to be in a few years time.  Jade knelt by a brick-lined field, humming ‘Crystalanthemums.’ Her long, black hair was all bundled up in a sloppy twist at the back of her head with a few frizzy strands curled down to tickle her bronze shoulders, dappled with sweat.  There was dirt all up and down her arms, smeared across her cheek and her eyes were intensely focused on replanting the silvery-pink buds of what she insisted were called ‘Sweetie Bells.’

Outside, the rain lashed down on the glass, giving the greenhouse a gray-blue shade that did nothing to lessen the heat, but was welcome after long days of the hot, glowing sun. 

“You’re a mess,” Dave said as he walked up to her.  Jade lifted her head and gave him a wide, muddy grin. 

“Yes!  And I’m almost done!”

“Yes, you are done.”  Dave scooped the girl up in his arms, making her cry out, startled.  But then she laughed.

“Where are you taking me?  I was in the middle of something, you know!”

“I’m helping,” Dave said, making a move for the door leading outside.

“With what?” Jade exclaimed, wary of where she was being taken.

Dave said nothing but kicked the door open and ran straight out into the downpour.  The rain almost drowned out Jade’s shrieking laughter.  But in the mists he could see her smile glowing.

~♠~

It had been almost impossible to convince Kanaya to rest since she found the bright red egg.  She’d put it straight into the incubating pool of sopor slime and then tried to find other tasks to fill her time but eagerly returned to the pool in regular increments, even in the early days when it was still too soon for anything noticeable to happen.

The discovery sent her into a barely contained fervor of questions and wonderments.  Rose found the spectacle of her lover pacing about, mumbling to the air about what she should call the youngling (no set names, of course, since the baby wasn’t really hers to name) or what it would look like when it hatched.  It was the first time Rose had ever seen Kanaya so wonderfully agitated.  It was cute, like a child waiting for Christmas.

The Seer had given up on trying to goad Kanaya to bed for long periods of time.  She began operating on power naps and devoted her every moment to making things ready for the grub and watching over it.  And though Rose might’ve mourned the lapse in their intimate time together, she did delight and indulge in Kanaya’s neverending questions.

“Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” Kanaya asked.

“What do you want it to be?” Rose asked back, a placid smile on her lips hiding the complete grin that radiated in her eyes.

“Oh, what I want doesn’t matter,” Kanaya decided.  “I just want the wiggler to be healthy. That’s all.”

Kanaya fluttered about for days on end, never losing a bit of energy.  Rose journaled about it, remarking her curiosity of Kanaya’s state if and when they both bore a grub of their own.  She forced herself not to ask that question of her own powers.  Though the insight might have been within reach, some things Rose wished to remain a mystery.  If only for a while.

Some things came to her without her consent, though.  As they did the twelfth morning of incubation, when Rose was still nestled in the lavender down comforter, the gossamer bed hangings of the four-poster shifting slightly with the draft that spilled through the open door.

She dreamed.  And in her vaguely lucid dreaming, Rose beheld a figure in red.

A youth—no older than thirteen, if she had to guess—wearing a red shirt in long sleeves and loose, red pants.  A scarlet veil covered the head and face, but the child wore no shoes.  And they were dancing. 

Round and round in a wide space of pitch black, with no heed to Rose’s presence, the child twirled and leapt, as if gravity and time had no influence on their grace.  It was entrancing and for a while, Rose just watched in awe with barely a reminder to glean insight.

All of a sudden, the young one landed heavily.  Still on their feet, but with power and weight, crouching all the way down the second their feet hit the floor.  The veil twisted back.  The face, revealed.

Rose caught only a glimpse before the child began dancing again.  Differently now: faster, more intense.  And though there were indeed no shoes on the young one’s feet, Rose could clearly hear every step.  A tap dance?  No, a stomp routine.  Whatever it was, there was a complex and energizing beat with every footfall and Rose felt her own pulse galvanizing as the patterns became more and more multifaceted.  Whoever this child was, they were extraordinarily talented.

Laughter.

Rose heard laughter, delighted and beautiful.

And then Kanaya’s voice, waking her.

“Rose!  Rose!”  A tone, unlike anything she’d heard from Kanaya before.

Rose bolted out of bed and ran down the hallway.  She practically flew around the corner before plunging down the staircase.  Deep, deep down into the caverns as the daylight had yet to reach the horizon.  And there, still in her nightie, Rose found Kanaya, whipping her head back and forth to the entrance of the cave and the pool of green where she was kneeling.

Rose rushed to Kanaya’s side and dropped beside her, focusing only on the bright red egg.  It stood out like a drop of blood in the shocking green of the surrounding liquid.  There was a rip cleaving the egg in two.  Like a beacon, Rose kept her eyes trained on it.  And they waited.

The egg squirmed.  And each time, they drew breath, anticipating. 

Oh god, the egg was still so tiny, Rose thought; only as big as an orange, even though it had started as small as a tangerine.  What in the world would this baby look like?  All of the questions Kanaya had been asking aloud suddenly came flooding back to her all at once.  And she wanted answers. 

No time to seek.  Just to wait.  Wait and see.

A leg peeked out of the rip in the egg. It was thin and black, like a single talon: no larger than Rose’s little finger.  It swiped energetically a few times and then stilled, though the egg itself rocked back and forth in the shallow pool. 

Rose leaned in a little closer, studying the blackish circle where there was obviously a head.  It shifted, pushed against the thinning membrane of the egg.  In that movement, Rose glimpsed a tiny flash of white and then there was another rip.  The grub’s teeth clamped tight onto the egg and tore a wide hole.  Kanaya gasped.  Rose echoed it.

The wiggler slid out and Kanaya instantly reached out and gathered it into her arms.  Rose blinked.

“Are you sure you should—” she said, getting to her feet.

“Yes,” Kanaya said, resolutely.  She wiped the sopor slime away with the rag she’d been wringing eagerly, cleaning the remnant reddish mucous away.  It was only when Rose looked at Kanaya’s face that she found fresh, streaming tears and a smile like no other.

The baby cried.  It was unlike any noise Rose had heard in her life.  But she likened it to a cross between a kitten mewl and a chirping cricket, shrill and strangely melodic.  Kanaya shooshed and cooed; Rose leaned in to get a better look.

What Kanaya held in her arms was indeed a grub.  A bug-looking thing that Rose could’ve easily held in her cupped hands.  It had a tiny head, a thrice-segmented body and six legs.  The grub was chubby, squishy-looking and that same candy red that its parents were known for.  The little, black legs scuttled about fruitlessly as it squirmed and made its strange chirruping noises.

“Can you tell what sex it is?” Rose asked, because she honestly had no clue. Even though the grub’s belly faced her, she couldn’t find anything familiar that would discern the baby’s sex.

“It’s a girl,” Kanaya said softly.   

“How do you know?”

“Scent.”

Rose gave Kanaya a confused look, but it was ignored.  She’d ask later.  There was something more important to focus on. 

The little face was very troll-like and familiar.  Though the baby girl’s skin wasn’t nearly as gray as typical troll skin.  It was creamier, like the color of a young cloud.  The eyes were huge, but scrunched shut, very tightly, like Rose figured they would be.  That little mouth was absolutely full of fangs, though.  They were about as sharp as Karkat’s, maybe a little more square-looking.  She had a mess of wet hair that was actually a strange silvery color with the tiniest horns.  Again, they were like Karkat’s.  Though, perhaps, her horns were a bit more outwardly protruding by comparison.

Kanaya continually coddled her, making wordless mother-noises and stroked the fingernail-sized horns with gentle touches until the baby finally hushed.

Her eyes opened.

Of course, they were red.

Rose could only see them for a split second, though—wide, completely colored red and absolutely entrancing—before the youngling snapped them shut and started fussing in chirps again.

“There’s something wrong with her eyes,” Kanaya said, concerned.  “Her skin’s too light too.  Too thin….”

“And her hair, I suppose,” Rose added.  “Think it’s all hybridization traits?”

“Mmh,” Kanaya agreed.  She frowned a little, bouncing the grub in her arms a little to try and calm her.  “What should we call her?”

“Let’s stick with something simple,” Rose said, reaching out to run her finger along the little girl’s cheek.  The grub fussed a little then gave into fast little purring noises.  Rose smiled.  “Something affectionate but not possessive.”

“I’m no good at this,” Kanaya mourned, chuckling a little at the end of it as she stuck her finger into the wriggler’s open mouth.

“We’ll call her Little One,” Rose decided.  Kanaya nodded.  “But now…do we tell them?”

Kanaya looked up at Rose’s face, seeing a seriousness in her eyes.  Ultimately, their decision would end up affecting many lives.  Especially the life of the sweet baby girl that Kanaya held closely.  And even though she was not Little One’s parent, she promised herself right then that she would forever look after that girl in her arms.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it’s been a while, huh? I have to admit that I wasn’t planning on updating this fic until after all my gifts were done, but that’s not how Peter works, no sir. So here’s the next installment. I finished it earlier this morning and, I dunno, it might’ve been the complete lack of sleep coupled with a caffiene rush, but the ending made me so excited, I thought my heart was going to burst. And that was just writing it. So I hope it does that for you too. And if not then, well, I’ll get you next time!
> 
> -Querel

_Day One: June the twelfth_

_I would give this tome more preface but I have suffered a lapse in planning at the sake of my own eagerness and excitement.  And I would add more detail to this first day if only I had the energy to do so.  Those things will have to come later.  So I shall begin outright._

_Today at four thirteen in the morning, the first child of our generation was hatched.  After twelve days of incubation, it was the only successful birth out of a batch of six fertilized eggs.  The child is a miracle: a successful combination of troll and human genetics born without life-threatening complications.  A female with bright red blood-which could speak to the mix of human blood or the genes of her troll parent.  Conjectures can be made later when there are more means of comparison._

_Her most anomalous physical features are at first impression, simply cosmetic: a lighter hair and skin color.  But her skin is also thin, her exoskeleton particularly fragile.  Unlike the more sturdy segments of troll grubs, her membrane is considerably thinner and more delicate.  She’s also lacking the second pair of eyelids that are characteristic of troll young in order to protect their sensitive eyes.  As a precaution, we keep most lights either dimmed or off._

_She’s small, but very healthy.  20.58 centimeters, 2.5 kilograms and loud.  Very loud.  She has yet to actually rest, which is surprising, but when she is not feeding, she makes plenty of noises.  We feed her the blank eggs that have been harvested, as was the advice of my predecessor.  I will continue to monitor her diet and see how it affects her physically.  So far, there are no adverse effects._

_My one concern is that she has not slept at all and it has been almost half a day since her hatching.  The Dolorosa said that most grubs will go into a sort of dormancy almost as soon as they’re done hatching to regain their strength but she has not rested for more than five minutes.  I’m beginning to wonder if there are some problems in her natural sleep regulation, as troll sleeping habits and human sleeping habits are vastly different.  I will confer with Rose on the matter if this issue persists._

_Day Two: June the thirteenth_

_There is sure cause for concern.  She has not slept.  At all.  Nothing we have attempted so far has worked but I will record our many failures in the hopes that perhaps if I have them all laid before me, I can find a solution._

_The sopor slime is too potent for her; the membrane of her body is so thin I fear that leaving her in it for extended periods will kill her.  We’ve attempted different dilutions but they do not achieve the desired effect.  I recorded the proportions of the solution that seemed to work most effectively—she was lulled normally but couldn’t stay dormant for more than ten minutes._

_We’ve fed her plenty in the hopes that a full stomach would coax her to rest but to no avail.  After a certain point she was just ill and there was no reason to keep filling her.  Rose and I took turns holding her, as she at least seems to cry less when held close._

_We’re all exhausted and I am borderline emotional with how frustrated I am.  That poor wriggler….  She needs to sleep.  She will die if she does not rest soon._

_I have one final idea.  If it does not work, I will be undone for I can think of no other solution._

_Success.  Finally.  And thank goodness._

_I managed to sneak into the laboratories and alchemize a set of bedclothes using the captcha codes from the diluted sopor solution and some of the softest blankets and pillows Rose owns.  She wrapped the Little One up in the pale green blankets and has been sitting with her in the rocking chair, the both of them sound asleep for the past half hour._

_In that time, I also managed to create a small nursery in the respiteblock Rose and I share.  I alchemized a small sopor mattress of the same kind and put it in a bassinet lined with the blankets and pillows, effectively constructing a nest for the Little One.  The bassinet itself is beautiful: dark like the night sky and spangled with the constellations that I and my teammates became for the planet Earth we created.  There is a mobile that hangs above it with tiny black featherbeasts._

_I’m going to attempt to settle Little One into the nest so that Rose can sleep properly.  And so can I._

_Again, success._

_Day Five: June the sixteenth_

_Little One is growing.  I will continue to document her growth as it progresses.  She’s certainly a lot better now that she can sleep.  We also regulated her feeding; she’s fed two blank eggs every forty-five minutes.  Now that she’s been a bit stabilized, it’s easier to pay attention to the details.  She makes a lot of noises, very fond of the sound of her own voice.  Much like…well, both her parents.  Her eyes are steadily becoming stronger.  But I have the suspicion that she’ll continue to have problems with them for the rest of her life.  The imbalance of rods and cones is bound to have complications._

_Rose suggested alchemizing a small pair of sunglasses for her.  I insisted we wait until she actually had ears big enough to hold them up and would indeed wear them instead of attempting to chew on them._

_Little One is also quite restless when awake.  She squirms quite a lot and holding her can be a bit daunting since she seems to always want to move about.  But she’s fascinating to watch.  Her eyes don’t seem to focus on anything but she’ll pay a split-second of attention when she hears a new voice.  I’m amazed by it but then quickly disheartened as I realize that she has yet to hear the voices of her own parents._

_Day Seven: June the eighteenth_

_One of her parents visited today.  Little One didn’t see him since, of course, that would’ve been catastrophic, but as I held tended to her down in the basement, I couldn’t help but theorize about what Dave’s reaction would’ve been if I brought her upstairs.  Rose was there to keep him and Jade busy upstairs and constructed some fabrication that I was tending to an ailing Mother Grub.  This has only added to the guilt that I daily feel about keeping secrets._

_I never intended for things to get this way but honestly, Little One’s creation was by thoughtless impulse.  The consequences are my own to deal with at the moment._

_Little One has started crawling, which is good.  Her human genetics, I believe had me worried that she wouldn’t be able to until much later, but she can scuttle a meter or so before she tires herself and falls straight asleep on the floor or clicks until one of us picks her up.  Her hair is growing in well and I love petting it.  It’s very soft and such a beautiful color._

_It’s still quite a struggle to get a full rest with her but Rose and I have been alternating shifts in the hopes that it will allot both of us ample time to sleep.  Rose likes to read to her, of course.  None of them are children’s books but Rose insists that at this age, the level of literacy isn’t a factor, merely the vocal rhythms._

_Dave left what he called a mix tape with us even though it’s actually a disk.  I’ve listened a bit; it’s all instrumental compositions he made himself.  I played it when Little One took a nap earlier.  I don’t want to jump to baseless conclusions but she did sleep longer on that occasion._

_I don’t think I can keep up the secret for much longer.  But I don’t know who to tell.  Or how.  Or if it’s even a good idea.  I wish I had thought this whole thing through.  I am such a fool._

_Day Ten: June the twenty-first_

_I got a message from Karkat today.  He has been staying over at the Lime Hive with Gamzee and Tavros but he says he feels his welcome has run out.  Not that they are ejecting him.  I’m sure Karkat could move in and there would be absolutely no dissent in the household.  I imagine the air of harmony is distressing him.  I know not._

_I didn’t reply to Karkat’s message though I knew very well the reason he sent it to me was to ask if he could switch locations._

_I’ve decided it’s time to come clean with the truth and I think that I should tell Karkat before anyone else.  It will not be a pleasant experience but my logic is that if anyone would accept this grub willingly, it would be him.  At least, that is my hope.  I have no clue how he will react but I suspect the emotional intensity will be something to behold._

_Little One might finally get a name tomorrow.  As for her, she has expressed interest in climbing but I fear that it won’t go well.  Her body might not be able to take any falls.  I’m trying to keep her low to the ground as possible until her exoskeleton hardens a bit more.  I hope the imposed confinement doesn’t stunt her development.  Though I feel like those hopes are wasted as she seems very keen to get a good grasp of her own space._

Kanaya shut her journal and then turned to her husktop where Trollian was still open and Karkat’s inquiries stared her straight on.  She sighed.

CG: HELLO?  
CG: ARE YOU STILL THERE?  
CG: YOU’RE MAKING ME REGRESS TO REPEATING FEAR-INDUCING PHRASES OF ARTIFICIALLY INTELLIGENT ROBOTIC LIFEFORMS THAT DON’T EXIST AND NOW I REALLY WANT TO PLAY THAT GAME AGAIN BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE IT WAS DAVE’S GAME, NOT MINE.  
GA: Yes I’m Still Here  
GA: Sorry  
GA: You Can Feel Free To Come To Our Hive  
GA: There Are Some Preparations I Need To Make First But You May Come Over At Any Time Tomorrow  
CG: THANKS KANAYA.  
CG: SORRY YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH MY BULLSHIT BUT I STILL CAN’T BRING MYSELF TO GO HOME YET.  
CG: I’M NOT  
CG: …  
CG: I’M NOT READY TO BE ALONE.

Kanaya gave a sad smile to the screen.

GA: I Understand  
GA: You Don’t Have To Apologize  
CG: THANKS  
CG: I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW

Kanaya stood from her desk, hand pushing down the lid of her husktop.  A resigned sigh found its way from her mouth.  The basement was empty save for the Mother Grub resting easily in her nest but through the open door at the top of the stairs, Kanaya could hear the melodious dialogue between Rose and Little One.  She smiled, drawn to the surface by the sounds of small joy in their more lighthearted lure.

She found Rose lying on her back, the grub squirming energetically on her chest as Rose tickled her.  Given, Rose was laughing more than Little One but the wriggler was still babbling with a strange combination of clicks and wordless vocalizations.

“Well, that’s what I told him but he didn’t want to have any of it,” Rose told the grub with finality, curling her fingers through tiny silver locks.  Little One garbled excitedly, scooting forward until she slid over the curve of Rose’s breasts and headlong into the Seer’s face.  Rose laughed again, readjusting the baby so they weren’t quite so squished.

“Well next time you see him, you can tell him yourself.  He never listens to me anyway.”

“Pardon my interruption,” Kanaya said, sitting at Rose’s side.  “Hope I’m not disrupting a truly compelling discussion here.”

“A great conversation can sustain itself over eons.  I certainly won’t forget it anytime soon.”

“May I?”  Kanaya reached out for the Little One and Rose gently guided the grub into Kanaya’s arms.  “Hello, Little One,” Kanaya cooed, gathering the baby up against her shoulder.

“What’s the matter?”

Kanaya gave Rose a weak smile as she rocked the youngling against her, stroking idly at her back to the rhythm of Little One’s cricket-like purring.

“Karkat is going to visit tomorrow,” she said softly.  There was no perceptive change in Rose’s expression.  But after a moment, she gave a sober nod.

“I think it’s wise,” she said.

“Really?”

“I do.”  Rose sat up and made an effort to fix her hair a bit.  “Every day we deny Little One her true name is a day taking from her joy.”

“And theirs,” Kanaya added.

“I would hope.”

There was silence while Kanaya pulled a blank egg from her pocket and held it to Little One’s mouth.

“I think,” she began carefully, “Karkat will actually take to her excellently.”

“Barred he doesn’t drive himself mad first with impossibility and fury,” Rose said.

“I think that’s just going to be inevitable.”  Kanaya chuckled as Little One began gnawing impatiently at Kanaya’s fingers, obviously too eager to be eating to realize she wasn’t eating what she was supposed to.  Kanaya tapped the egg against the baby’s lips and she refocused.  “We should really just prepare ourselves for every possible outcome.”  She looked up at Rose with a weakly hopeful smile.  “No chance you could give us a sneak peek to help out?”

Rose smirked and an eyebrow flicked up in amusement.

“I could,” she said.  “But I won’t.”

“I thought as much.”

“You realize things get boring quick when you know what’s going to happen.  I’d rather weather the storm by your side and take what comes as it may.”

Little One let out a fierce yap and the girls looked down at her in surprise.  Kanaya felt that if even things crashed all around them, she was confident enough to take up the mantle of motherhood.  And in that same moment, she debated whether or not she’d be able to surrender what did not rightfully belong to her.

When she considered the future, she decided that she would play whatever part this strange plot of destiny had to offer her without question or conflict.  It was the least she could do to in support of the little girl who meant so much more than an impulse decision and a lack of foresight.

~♠~

Karkat stood on the porch of the Magnolia Hive, staring at the front door and its stained glass overlooking window: the deliberate cut pattern of the sun shining bright in the deep pitch of space.  When he thought about it, he remembered the afternoons when Gamzee and Tavros would come home and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches together and then laugh at each other while they made a giant fucking mess.

Why did everyone else just fit so perfectly?  Everything seemed to just fall into place for all of them…  Not that Karkat actually prioritized romance for himself as a final goal in life, but god, was it so awful to not want to be stagnant in that loneliness?  Once upon a time, Karkat had already accepted that he was going to be alone forever.  But then hope… He tasted that forbidden fruit and now he was starved for it, a hunger never satiated.

He sighed and rolled his eyes at himself.  Fucking get over yourself.  Knock on the damn door and move on with your life.  Dave Fucking Strider isn’t the end of all prospects.

Yeah, but Dave Fucking Strider was the only one he wanted.  That fact always came back to bite him, no matter how much he reasoned with himself.  He just couldn’t push it away. 

“Fuck.”

Karkat shouldered his bag full of clothes and junk, the one he’d been living out of for half a month, and rapped on the white wood of the front door.  The summer hummed outside the boundary of shade and a stray bead of sweat dampened Karkat’s neck.  He took a deep breath.  And let it out slow. 

Gave himself permission to move on and decided to act on it as soon as he crossed that threshold.

Rose opened the door.  She gave him one of her cryptic smiles, same as ever.

“Hello, Karkat,” she said gently, tucking her blond hair behind an ear. 

“Hello, Rose,” he replied, hoping the rasp in his voice wasn’t as obvious to her as it was to him.

“Come in.”  She held the door wide for him.  Karkat gave her a nod of appreciation and stepped inside.

The living room was…well, dark.  None of the lights were on.  From being out in the blinding sun, it was a rather drastic change.  Karkat’s nocturnal eyes adjusted easily, though.  He walked further in and spotted Kanaya sitting on the couch, her back to him.  She turned her head and smiled.

“Hey, Kanaya,” Karkat said, weary, as he crossed the room and chucked his bag onto the sofa opposite her.  “Hope you don’t mind me not giving you much of a heads-up about when I was coming over.  I just kinda took off when I woke up; I don’t even think I sleep anymore so much as shut down.”

Karkat sighed deeply and crashed on the couch, relaxing almost instantly.

“That’s alright,” Kanaya said in a whisper.  It was only then that Karkat noticed that she was holding something in her arms.  A bundle of pale green blankets cradled against her as she rocked back and forth almost imperceptibly.

Karkat blinked, his expression changing to one of curiosity as he peered at Kanaya and her armful.  Rose came up behind her and put a hand on Kanaya’s shoulder.  Her gaze, however, was focused quite intently on Karkat.  He noticed, too.

“What?” he asked.  “Am I missing something?”

Rose gave a short chuckle that seemed almost sarcastic in the way she cast her gaze aside.  Kanaya’s smiled just twitched weakly. 

“Karkat, come here,” she bade him.  With brow furrowed and caution in his approach, Karkat rose from where he was sitting and obeyed, keeping an eye on the bundle, particularly when it shifted of its own accord.

He froze.

“What is—”

“Karkat, come here,” Kanaya repeated.  She patted the seat next to her on the couch.  Slowly, Karkat sank there, baffled as ever.

And then he saw her.

The silver hair and creamy white skin, eyes shut and tiny mouth open as she breathed.  Her horns…her bright red body….

The world grew tight around Karkat’s head and threatened to break him inward.  And with Kanaya’s next words, that same world spun out all around, evacuating all thought from him.

“Karkat, this is your daughter.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat’s reaction to meeting his daughter! What will happen?! @_@ Heheh, sorry, I’m just as excited to show it off as you are to read it, I promise. Writing all these fics at once is definitely a challenge but this one still has quite a long way to go so fans of the story have nothing to worry about. I should really make an effort to estimate how many chapters there will end up being…. Oh well. Have fun!
> 
> -Querel

The feeling of detachment was so suffocating that Karkat felt like he couldn’t breathe.  It increased past the point of intolerance until he had to take the self-imposed silence and stillness to actually think.  Only the words rang for him, a heavy and almost stale echo of what Kanaya had murmured to him in the shade of the room, like it was the secret of the universe.  Daughter?  What even was that word?  What did it mean?

Karkat let a small window of his perception open and used it to stare into the face of the…the…grub.  Kanaya was holding a grub. Yes, that’s what it was.  Grub…daughter, she called it….  It was sleeping, letting out a gently buzzing purr with every exhale.  Karkat looked.  He watched with intense focus, seeing nothing else.  And then he realized.

That grub’s face looked just like Dave’s.  Just smaller, less pink….

Karkat was off that couch in less than a second, backing away with eyes wide and full of every terrible emotion imaginable.

“No.”

The silence after his word brought the room back into focus; the world existed again.  Karkat didn’t understand why the wall behind him wasn’t opening for him to escape from the nightmare he just walked into.

So far and yet way too close to him, Kanaya’s face filled with a sort of echoing horror as she watched Karkat and behind her, Rose’s lips pressed together in a tight line.

“No?” Kanaya answered, almost like she didn’t believe it.

“No, I can’t…,” Karkat sputtered, “I don’t….  What….  I-I just….”

“Karkat, breathe,” Rose urged gently as she approached him.

“What have you done?” he whispered, staring between the both of them with a mounting panic.  “Tell me…. You need to explain right now or I am going to puke everywhere.”

Rose quirked an eyebrow, a skeptical smirk surfacing as if to argue that even if they did tell him, he just might puke anyway.

“Alright,” she began, leaving Kanaya to tighten her fingers in Little One’s blankets like it was her lifeline.  “I went over to Dave’s house about a month ago, the day after the both of you broke up.  And before I left, I took the bucket you had used since it was still out in the middle of Dave’s living room, exhibitionist that he is.”

The expression of scandalized nausea on Karkat’s face was enough to convince Rose to stop making jokes about the situation.

“So I brought the bucket here.  And Kanaya and I decided that we would use it.  We weren’t even sure if it would work, to be honest but we took the risk anyway.  Twelve days later, this grub hatched.  She’s yours.  Yours and Dave’s.”

Karkat focused his energies on making himself breathe since he was sure if he didn’t, he’d pass out.

“Karkat,” Rose said.  He snapped his gaze to her and stared, wide-eyed like a mouse between corner and viper.  “If you need to vent, that’s fine, but we don’t want to wake her up.”

He just breathed.  Eventually, his knees gave out and he sank to the floor, putting his head in his hands.  The fact that the grub over in Kanaya’s arms was his wasn’t the most difficult point to accept.  He saw those horns: they looked just like his own.  Her blood color was the exact same.  But even still, Karkat couldn’t let that information take.

“I can’t,” he said, shaking his head.  He heard a gentle shifting and footsteps on hardwood retreating.  Next he realized, Kanaya was sitting by his side, her arms empty with Rose nowhere to be seen.  Karkat stared at her.

“It’s alright, she said gently.  “Just get it out.”

For once, Karkat wasn’t sure he could even say anything.  There was just too much.

“Start with what’s at the forefront,” Kanaya guided him.

He scoffed, incredulous, his hands flying upwards in frustration.

“I’m fucking stunned,” he said, shaking his head.  “This is like the textbook definition bullshit.  What the hell did you think I was going to say? ‘Oh, sweet, a grub of my own!  Let’s throw a fucking party and invite everyone to the miraculous spectacle to celebrate!’”  He leered at her, claws digging into his palms.  “Who else knows about this?”

“No one else,” Kanaya assured him.  “Just me, Rose and now you.”

“I doubt that’s actually true,” Karkat growled.  “I’m pretty sure some out there with their God powers is more aware than you think.  Like maybe, oh, I dunno, Terezi for instance?  The fucking Seer of Mind?  Sensing your selfish decisions and possibly the entirely new mind in existence?  Did you really think you’d be able to keep this a secret?”

“No, not at all,” Kanaya said.  “I knew it would come through at some point.  But I felt like you needed to be the first one to know.”

“You’re right, I should’ve been the first one.  First, you should’ve fucking _asked_ me.  Do you even realize just what the fuck you’ve done?”  Karkat shook his head and ached inside but watched as Kanaya sat there and listened to him with quiet dignity and the telltale glitter of guilt in her jade eyes.  “We don’t live in a world with Lusi anymore.  There is no one here to take care of grubs but us.  You didn’t think for one minute that it would be a bad idea to take that sort of risk without even fucking talking to me about it at the very least?  Or Dave, what about him?”

Karkat’s heart turned cold.  Inside himself, he felt it cracking, a new wave of despair and horror washing over.

“As far as I understand it, humans are kinda keen on raising their young together with the one who helped them make the damn wriggler in the first place. Do you see the fucking predicament here?!”  Karkat trembled with such fury that he couldn’t sit any longer.  He got to his feet as his nerves twisted up on themselves, words beginning to find their way through the cracking barriers of disbelief in his mind.  The faults split wide; everything spilled.

“What did you think was going to happen?  This grub hatches and then you spring this sudden development on me?  Were you expecting that I was going to be all chuffed and peachy about it?  This is just fucking fantastic: I get to take care of a grub, something I don’t know a goddamn thing about, _by myself_.  All alone.  News flash, this just in: Dave Strider is not here.  He’s off with his childhood sweetheart, living the dream, destined to make normal human babies whenever the fuck he’s ready for them.  And you’ve _stuck_ me with this!”

Kanaya had not moved, her hands folded in her lap, patiently as she watched Karkat pacing about the room, yelling.

“I get to sit here with a reminder: once upon a time I was in love with Dave and now I don’t have him, I have a shackle.  I have an abomination of genetics that I don’t fucking know what to do with.  I was under the impression that the whole concept of us having kids on our own was that we could raise them together with the people we loved.  And you have cheated me, Kanaya.”  He froze there, tears welling up as the truth crashed on him in an overflow.  The realization was just too hard a hit.  “How can I get over him now?  Now that there is an entire _life_ that embodies the two of us together?  What have you done?”

Watching Kanaya cry silently as tears poured down his own face was enough to make Karkat fall to his knees.  The anger was still there but it was muffled by the complete anguish that came bursting through.  Those feelings that Karkat had worked so hard to push down and keep quiet until they’d just fade away on their own, now multiplied to an unmanageable amount.  Karkat doubled over until his forehead almost touched the floor, his arms tight around his own body as if to keep himself from falling to pieces.

“What do I do?” he wondered aloud, hopeless.

When Kanaya’s arms wrapped around him, Karkat couldn’t even find it in him to push her away.  He was just so absolutely alone in that moment that he needed anyone who was willing to reach for him.

“Dammit,” he sobbed as he clenched his hands into her shirt.  “God dammit, Kanaya!”  Her hands against his back were soft and gentle, steady as they stroked down his spine, though she shivered with her own tears.

“Karkat,” she whispered, “I am so sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he choked out.  “That doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“You don’t have to take her,” Kanaya said.  “Rose and I will take care of her for the rest of her life and no one ever has to know she’s not ours.  I promise; we will do it if that’s what you want.”

Karkat wrapped his arms right around her and squeezed.  He wanted to say he didn’t know what he wanted.  But he knew very well.  And he didn’t have the strength to lie about it anymore.

“I just want Dave.”  Saying it out loud made things worse rather than better.  “I just want him,” Karkat repeated, his voice cracking and tears dripping off his chin. 

Kanaya’s fingers in his hair were tender and comforting.  When she rocked him back and forth it was like she knew the exact rhythm that would soothe him.  By the end of the hour with silence and many more tears, Karkat had finally calmed himself, nothing but a sticky and raw sense of vulnerability lingering.  The dusk had already begun to settle and it bled through the gossamer curtains like a pale haze.  Despite everything, Karkat felt like he’d bled out all of his agony and only had space left for progress. 

With his head against Kanaya’s shoulder and her arms around him, he felt safer.  So he lifted himself up and turned to her.  It was honestly the worst he’d ever seen her and it wasn’t even that bad.  That she cried almost as long as he had did mean something to him.  More than her apology did.

“Can I see her?” Karkat asked, coughing to clear his throat at the end of it.  Kanaya gave him a weak smile and nodded.  They helped each other to their feet and together walked hand in hand down the narrow hallway until they reached the bedroom.  The door was closed so Kanaya knocked gently.  Inside, Rose told them to come in.

The room was darkened save for the glow of the sunset streaming through.  Quiet music was playing which Karkat instantly recognized as Dave’s work.  Though each of his songs were dynamic and different they were distinctly his in every imaginable way.  Rose was reclined on the bed with the bundle in her lap, book in her hands.  When she saw Karkat, she put the novel down and lifted the swath of blankets into her arms.  Karkat met her halfway, staring at the swaddle with a sort of resigned apprehension.

“Do you want to hold her?” Rose asked him.

Terrified, Karkat nodded.

Rose smiled and extended the baby to him.  Karkat’s hands shook but he steadied his arms and supported the unexpected weight of her body.  When he looked down into her face, he found her eyes open.  She blinked up at him once, unfocused but wide-eyed, her lips smacking together gently as her little limbs shifted restlessly under the blanket.

“Oh no,” Karkat said, breathless.  As if he hadn’t already run himself completely dry, his eyes filled with tears once again.  Kanaya peered at him, concerned, and looked at the grub to see if there was anything wrong.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

Karkat couldn’t take his eyes off the wriggler in his arms.  And as he reached out, touching a tentative fingertip to the tiny curve of her cupid’s bow, the truth washed over him as unavoidable as it ever was.

“She’s beautiful,” Karkat said. 

How could he not think so?  There in his arms, just like he said, was the embodiment of him and Dave together.  And even though the circumstances were so fucked up and he had absolutely no idea how he was going to handle his life from that point on, he knew in that moment that he couldn’t leave her.  She was so tiny…so familiar yet so strange and charming.  She yawned; Karkat’s jaw trembled.

“What’s her name?” he asked, bewildered as he looked up at Kanaya’s face, needing the answer like it was going solve all of his problems..

“She doesn’t have one,” Kanaya said.  “She’s yours, so we thought you should name her.” 

Karkat’s heart sank and leapt all at once.  He wanted to name her.  But…he really wanted to name her with Dave.  Because she wasn’t just his.  She was theirs.  Karkat sighed solemnly.  There was no way that the wriggler could be kept a secret from Dave forever.  But Karkat felt that telling Dave now wouldn’t be a good idea.  He was too emotionally exhausted to even consider it extensively.

“Then I’ll name her.”

~♠~

“He smells like he’s asleep,” Terezi said, a little softer, as she placed the first brown button eye on the empty vessel of her newest scalemate.

“Worn himself out.  Too much alchemized Chinese takeout,” Jade chuckled.  She brushed her fingers gently through Dave’s hair, absently counting the freckles on his nose and cheeks as the sleeping knight breathed easily in his light slumber.

He and Jade had gone to visit Terezi in her hive.  According to her, it was almost exactly the construction of her old one, built in a tree and everything.  Only this tree was an enormous oak that was just a stone’s throw from the nearby cypress swamp.  Though the mosquitos got obnoxious during the summer, the wide wooden balcony had served for many a New Year’s celebration and Jade had always enjoyed visiting, if only to marvel at the fact that Terezi lived in a giant playground in the trees. 

Jade smiled; though her fingers kept their steady motion, she looked back up and continued her murmured conversation.  “Making a new dragon?”

“That’s right,” Terezi crooned, sounding quite pleased with herself as she weaved needle and thread through button holes in such deliberate pulls that Jade found herself mesmerized by the choreography of it all.

“Another one for your collection?”

“No.  It’s a present.”

“It is?  For who?”

“Jade,” Terezi scolded gently, her grin whimsical and wily, “I can’t tell you.  Because if I tell you, then you’ll tell Dave and he won’t want to talk about it so you’ll tell Tavros and Tavros can’t keep secrets so he’ll tell Gamzee and Gamzee won’t think anything of it so he’ll end up letting Karkat know and then the surprise will be ruined.”

Jade giggled.

“So, it’s for Karkat.”

“I never said that.”

“No, you certainly didn’t.”  Jade’s smile lingered only shortly before it diminished under the creeping reminder of her friend.  “Have you seen him at all recently?”

“Who, Karkat?” Terezi asked before ripping the thread with her teeth and reaching through her sylladex for another button.  “Nah.  He’s been hiding himself.  Which is fine. If I were him I probably wouldn’t want to talk to anyone either.”

“But,” Jade’s brow furrowed.  “But, you were dating Dave too, weren’t you?”

“If you’re trying to imply that I should feel just as heartbroken as Karkat simply because both he and I were in a relationship with Dave and now we’re not, I think you should stop.”  The expression on Terezi’s face was one of amusement and somehow quite thoughtful.  “Karkat and I are not the same person.  We did not have the same connection with Dave.”

“I know that, but,” Jade said, a bit wistful.

“But nothing.  I’ve known since the very beginning that Dave never intended to stay with me forever.”

Jade gaped at her.

“Are you serious?” she asked.

“Sure.  It didn’t make any difference to me.”  She grinned in such an obviously pleased way that Jade found no room to argue with her.  “Dave’s my best friend.  Being his Matesprit was awesome.  Dunno how much you’ve done yet but sex with him was fantastic.”

Jade blushed, her eyes focusing pointedly on not-Dave.

“As you can see, I’m still more than willing to spend time with him and I don’t bear anything against you at all.  Mostly because you’re so cute anyway; how could anyone hate you?”

“Oh, shut up.”

“But my point is that I don’t need Dave to be my Matesprit or Kismesis or whatever.  He’s my friend.  And I love everything we do together.”

“I’m wondering if I should be jealous,” Jade chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

“Definitely,” Terezi teased.  “As for Karkat, his understanding of his relationship with Dave is just about as skewed and befuddled as everything else in his thinkpan.  He went into that relationship with no security of himself and who he was to Dave and unfortunately that security never developed even as time went on.”

“You know these things because of your Seer abilities?”

“I know these things because I know Karkat,” Terezi said, giving a single, humorless laugh.  “It’s amazing how someone can think so much and yet not think at all.”  She shook her head derisively.  “Anyway, what I have noticed with my abilities—and I think doesn’t harm anyone to understand—is  that Karkat is in mourning over the fact that he never came to grasp the potential that his relationship with Dave could’ve been.  And now he’s under the impression that it will be forever unattainable.  Mind you, I’m not referring exclusively to any romantic pursuits, just to their friendship in general.”

“Right,” Jade said softly, digesting it all. She sighed and chewed on her bottom lip as she looked down and watched Dave’s sleeping face.  “I miss him a lot, actually,” she admitted.  “I wanted to see him when I got back but when I went to his hive, he had that note on his door about how he was over at Tavros and Gamzee’s place and then I knew he probably wouldn’t want to see me.”

“Oh, I doubt he’s angry at you or anything,” Terezi assured her.

“No, but I’m sure seeing me won’t cheer him up at all,” Jade sighed again.  “I just wish there was something I could do.”

“He’ll come out when he’s ready,” Terezi said.  “When he does, just be there for him like you always would.  Things’ll work out.”

Jade grinned.

“Thanks, Terezi,” she said.

“You got it.”

“I think, with that, we better get going.  Probably a good idea to get this meathead into a proper bed.”  Jade jostled Dave’s shoulder gently. “Hey….  Hey, wake up.”

“No,” Dave grumbled.

“Yes, come on.”  She hefted an arm under his shoulders and helped him to his feet.  “Thanks so much for having us over, Terezi.”

“Sure,” she grinned.  “See ya, guys.”

Dave grunted a farewell and Jade giggled as she led him out of the room and towards the trapdoor entrance.

Terezi focused on the scalemate.  Its eye had been properly sewn into place.  Only thing left was to stuff it and sew it up.  And then to wait.  Because this gift couldn’t be given until a certain point had been reached, until the go-ahead was given.  And that wouldn’t happen.  Terezi had seen a few predictions and realized at the earliest, she’d probably have to wait a few months.  But that was fine.  She didn’t mind waiting for that.

What she was impatient for was this new development, one that had only been set in motion just hours before and a decision that had to be made coming to life mere minutes ago.  Her heart beat furiously; it was exciting.  The anticipation was killing her. 

Terezi put down the yet-to-be-completed plushdoll and leaned back in her chair, eyes shut, hands folded and unable to suppress the grin on her face as she listened closely.

A chaotic whirring of choices…the sound was like the click and hum of machinery: rhythmic, familiar and productive.  She practically trembled in anticipation. 

And then came the answer.  Terezi had expected the joyous laughter that bubbled up inside of her.  What she hadn’t expected was the single tear that ended up slipping from her eye.

 _“Her name is Aziz.  Aziz Vantas._ ”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little chapter. Think of it as an intermission of sorts. Here begins Act Two. Mostly fluffy grub feels and Karkat being adorably clueless. Hope you like. :P

Rose leaned against the doorframe with her arms across her chest and a pleased grin across her lips.  She’d paused in her work to watch Karkat together with his grub.  In all her life, she’d never envisioned such a scene.  The expressions on Karkat’s face alone were fascinating enough to do deeper studies on.  His countenance shifted almost every ten seconds, simply reacting to the baby: her noises and movements and her own faces, without a doubt.  He had laid her in his lap, arms caging her gently so she wouldn’t wriggle and roll off by accident.  Every now and then Karkat’s brow would crease in deep thought and between those expressions he looked like he couldn’t decide to cry or smile.

“She likes it when you talk to her,” Rose said helpfully.  Karkat looked up to her, just wide eyed and silent like he’d reverted to this childlike state of pure wonderment.  Like he didn’t understand anything and yet everything dazzled him.  The sight was so intensely out of Rose’s impression of Karkat that she wasn’t sure if it was endearing or just distressing.

“I,” Karkat stuttered, looking quickly to his daughter when she lurched eagerly to one side.  After he steadied her again he sighed and smoothed his fingers through Aziz’s hair.  “I wouldn’t know what to say."

“She’s a baby, Karkat,” Rose said, smiling at him.  “She doesn’t care what you say; she just needs to hear your voice.”

Karkat picked up the baby in his arms, bringing her up to his shoulder and returning to his silent contemplation of the life he held.  Rose chuckled and went back to work.  She and Kanaya were transporting the nursery from their bedroom to Karkat’s respiteblock.  He’d taken only a short time to figure out what he was going to name her.  He went to Kanaya’s husktop, baby in his arms, and ten minutes later he announced her name, stating that he was going to take her home and be her—it was amusing watching him say the word and trying to fathom what it meant—father.  Kanaya practically squealed in delight and insisted that she and Rose help build an appropriate space for Aziz is Karkat’s hive.  Which meant that Rose would do all the heavy lifting and Kanaya would babble about her observations on parenting.

Rose didn’t mind at all.  Moving a cradle and a few blankets wasn’t that big a deal.  Plus it was interesting to watch two trolls try to figure out how to baby.  They seemed to have a pretty good handle on it, from what Rose could glean.

“This is the journal I’ve been keeping,” Kanaya said as she came up the stairs of the basement.  “I know it’s a lot to ask but for the sake of our future generations, I ask that you fill it with your observations of her growth and anything that seems particularly noteworthy.”

Karkat nodded but didn’t reach to take the journal, his eyes flickering back to the grub every other second.  Kanaya just smiled and put the journal on the couch next to him.

“I,” Karkat began, catching Kanaya’s attention before she went running off again.  He was obviously distraught.  “I don’t want to tell anyone about her.  Not yet.”

“Are you worried about Dave?” Kanaya asked.

“Intensely,” Karkat sighed.  “I don’t have it in me to face another emotional breakdown topped with a steaming pile of fresh rejection.  A few weeks to get my act together would be very appreciated.”

“Of course,” Kanaya said.

“Just don’t let yourself get comfortable in the secret,” Rose warned him.  “The longer you keep it from him, the more he’s bound to panic, for one reason or another.”

“I know, I know, just don’t talk about it,” Karkat muttered, stroking an idle finger along Aziz’s horn.  “I’m freaking out enough on my own as it is.”

“Alright.”

Karkat gathered Aziz and put her down on the floor.  He said nothing as he watched her scoot around and babble for a minute before picking her right up again and holding her close against his chest.

“I’m so afraid,” he whispered.  Before Kanaya had a chance to ask for specifics, Karkat went on to say, “Please tell me that I can still come to you guys when shit goes down and something happens that I can’t handle.”

“We’re here for you whenever you need, Karkat,” Rose assured him.  “You’re definitely not on your own.”

“Thank you.”

“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Kanaya asked.  “Being on your own.”

“Well, yeah,” Karkat said, focusing his attention on Aziz when she knocked her head against his chin.  “But I was talking about… this one.  I feel like I could break her without even trying.  I’m afraid that I will.”

Rose gave Karkat an admiring smile, one he didn’t catch because he was too wrapped up in his daughter.

“Quite honestly,” Rose said as she moved towards the door, “I think out of everyone, you’re one of the best people to be a parent.”

“Then, quite honestly, I think you’re highly delusional,” Karkat grumbled.

Rose just laughed and made her way to Karkat’s hive in the humid darkness, leaving Karkat and Kanaya to continue their conversation without her.

“You sure you want to handle her alone?  You could just stay here for the night; no need to run off.”

“Rose is already setting up the nest over at my hive; it’s fine.  It’s not like I won’t be back here tomorrow anyway.  It’s just sleep….”

“Grubs don’t sleep through the night,” Kanaya said.

“Neither do I,” Karkat replied.  “It’ll be fine."

Kanaya chuckled.

“I can’t tell if you’re anxious or adjusted; you’re alternating quite unpredictably.”

“I’ve got no idea what the fuck I’m doing,” Karkat assured her.  He turned his head to nuzzle his nose against the crown of Aziz’s head, taking a breath just to smell her hair.  “But I’m at the point where I have her.  And I just need to know and understand her.”  His eyes flicked up to Kanaya and without thinking about it, he began rocking back and forth when Aziz started fussing gently.  “I haven’t been home in a month.  And now that I have her, I feel like I need to take her there.”

Kanaya nodded, though she didn’t quite understand, even if Karkat’s words resonated with a hum of truth.  An idea then occurred to her.

“Would you mind if I took notes on you?” Karkat gave her a humorously incredulous look as he rocked his baby.

“Why?”

“Well, I’m interested to understand how trolls react as parents since it’s something that we’ve never considered until now.”

“Then why don’t you just have a grub of your own?”

When Karkat saw the small hope fade from Kanaya’s features, he quickly said, “Forget it.  Study me all you want, okay?  Go ahead and shove me under the microscope.  Anything that’ll help you or all of us.”

Kanaya smiled.  Karkat blushed lightly and cast his eyes down.  Aziz gave an excited squeak and thunked her head against Karkat’s shoulder, making him wince.

“Wriggler’s got some impressive lungs,” he commented.

“Oh, you don’t even realize the full extent of that fact,” Kanaya chuckled.

When Rose returned, Karkat decided it was time to go home.  He captchalogued Kanaya’s journal along with a couple baskets of blank eggs and bade the girls goodnight before departing, Aziz wrapped up in his arms.

The nighttime was still of all company save for the movements of the planet in its season.  And as Karkat took a deep breath to brace himself for the rest of his life, Aziz nudged her face into the crook of his neck and chirped.  Karkat smiled as he shuffled through the dewing grass.

“This is your first time outside, isn’t it?” he murmured to her.  She chirped along with the crickets, her noises decidedly more lovely to Karkat’s ears.

“Aziz…,” he whispered.  Saying her name was strange. Karkat wanted to let her name breathe and exist, let it grow and see what it would come to mean.  But at the same time, he didn’t know how to wield her name.  Somewhere between the secret and the hesitancy, Karkat felt like he should just keep her name quiet.

When he finally arrived at his hive and pushed the door open with Aziz braced against his shoulder, Karkat decided that he was being ridiculous.  It was just her name.  The name he had given her.  The name that meant ‘beloved’, just like Dave’s name.  Because Karkat loved.  He loved Dave.  He loved Dave longer than he cared to admit.  And Aziz would have all the love Karkat had neglected to share with Dave.  The least Karkat could do was tell the little girl that she was beloved.  Because she always would be.

~♠~

Karkat didn’t sleep.  When Aziz finally nodded off after he bundled her up in the sopor blankets, he kept her in the crook of his arm as he relaxed on the sofa and wrote a list.

More blankets, non-sopor

Stuffed animals

Rocking chair

Playpen

Some sort of  carrier for her

Music box-Dave’s lullaby

Noisemaker with jingle bells

Ribbons

Rubber ball

Karkat wondered how much an imposition it would be to ask Rose if she could knit a few grub sweaters for Aziz.  It may have been summer but Karkat made a point of keeping his hive well cooled.  She would need them anyway when the winter months eventually rolled around.

Aziz yawned in a light little squeak and Karkat curled his fingers around the back of her hear, fingering the silver of her hair.

“Should I start learning lullabies for you?” he whispered as he put the list aside and laid down flat on the couch. Aziz stretched her little limbs and then settled again, burrowing into the swaddle of blankets on Karkat’s chest.

“I’m not much of a singer,” he sighed, stroking his hand along her spine.  “Not in this universe, anyway.”

Aziz was warm against his chest.  It was unfamiliar and comfortable, wonderful and soothing.  Karkat ran his hand down Aziz’s back like it was an unconscious effort like the pulse in his veins.

“Nah… can’t sing.  Dave… your other father…he can sing.”  Karkat furrowed his brow and stared at the vault of the ceiling.

“What was that word John used to call his father?  Dave doesn’t really sound like the word ‘father’ suits him; he’s that other thing.  Dad.  That’s it.  He’s your Dad.”

Karkat’s fangs scraped over his bottom lip and he took a deep breath.  Saying it out loud made his heart ache but it was only a deep rumble of pressure instead of the sharp slices that he’d been accustomed to.

“Your Dad can sing really well,” Karkat continued softly.  “I don’t think he’s ever recorded himself but sometimes he would sing when he thought I wasn’t listening.”  Karkat chuckled.  “Maybe if you’re a good girl, he’ll sing for you one day.”

Karkat forced himself to not think about Dave singing songs to their daughter, lest the ache snarl in threat.  It was so surreal, laying there with a baby nestled against him, _his_ baby.  He’d never even imagined….

Straying fingers pulled up his shirt and touched gently along the long-healed scar where Dave had once sewn him back together after stabbing him.  Karkat had bitterly thought on the day many times.  But in that moment, backdropped with uncertainty and remorse, Karkat remembered the day he fell in love with Dave Strider.  And it was finally okay because now he cradled the proof that their bond was strong enough to bring life to a being with almost impossible existence.

Karkat wondered what human characteristics Aziz would develop.  At this stage, she was physically very troll-like with spots of human softness.  He desperately hoped that she would grow stronger but simultaneously prayed she never would.  Because strong children grew into strong adults.  And then they left.  Left because they knew they could weather the world’s obstacles and were daring enough to see if they could be proven wrong.

There was a soft sigh that Aziz echoed and it made Karkat smile.  He wasn’t strong enough for himself.  Not yet.  Not quite.  He knew he could be strong for her, though.  With his arms around her, Karkat closed his eyes and let himself sleep.  The unfamiliar weight of Aziz on his heart was quite welcome and already, he had made room for her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Guess what’s back! I know a ton of you have been looking forward to this update so I’m SUPER stoked about finally bringing it to you! Thank you so much for your patience! I promise you won’t have to wait that long for chapter 10, okay? Hope you like it!

It was a little before five in the morning when Dave finally decided he wasn’t going to try and fool himself any longer.  There was just no way he was going to fall back asleep.  The truth was settled in him like a knot of scar tissue, and ached with some old memory that he was probably repressing.  So he swung his legs out from under the sheets and took a moment to bunch the blankets around Jade again (since she had ruthlessly kicked them off, like she often did) before leaving the bedroom with silent footsteps and nothing but the soundless shift of the latch as he closed the bedroom door behind him.

He hadn’t even bothered to grab his shades off the nightstand.  Instead, he took himself right down to the basement, the heavy soundproof door shutting as a herald to his descent into the studio.  Skinny fingers flicked switches and powered up laptops.  Dave hung a pair of headphones around his neck and sat still for a moment, considering all the material he had to work with. 

Something was crawling to get out of him.  It was just a simple matter of finding out the right medium for the message.  Dave clicked through a few tracks, mulling them over in deep consideration.  He settled on a light backbeat and kept it going while he stood up and approached the tables.  The records were set.  Dave’s fingers touched against silicone buttons of a nearby beat machine and the song began to surge.

He couldn’t even get a minute into his progress without losing himself and really laying into the beats.  With his shades absent, the glow of the fluorescent lights gave everything a hint of blue; between the flashing green and yellow and red lights, the flickering of the bass meter and the dance of his fingers across keys and buttons, the colors echoed the sounds in fleeting artwork. 

Dave didn’t pay any attention to the visual symphony.  Too deep in his mind with his movements, so unconsciously effortless, that his thoughts had plenty of room to turn over on themselves and pull things out of the shadows of his mind.

There were too many things that seemed unfinished and not enough ends that led somewhere satisfactory.  Dave was aware enough to know that somehow, the whole issue led back to Karkat.  Not that Karkat was an issue.  That was almost as far as Dave’s understanding stretched though.   Dave was enjoying his life; what else was there? 

It was madness to try and even understand his own thoughts.  Dave found himself thinking in circles, with one poor excuse begetting another and then circling back in turn.  After about the fourth or fifth go-around he became so frustrated that he added an extra bass track to his mix in attempt to stomp the stupid out of his mind.

He only began to make progress when he finally considered the possibility that he wasn’t actually happy.  He almost instantly rejected the idea since could say for a fact that absolutely nothing compared to Jade’s smile and her sloppy kisses and her random tickle-tussles.  But then Dave worked through to the fact that the problem wasn’t any of Jade’s doing.  It was just a severe lack of cranky red-eyed asshole.  Unfortunate as it was to accept, Dave ached for Karkat.  And just like nothing could compare to Jade’s laughter, or Terezi’s tendency to breech personal space, or even Rose’s unfailing habit of meddling around in his business, there was nothing that could take the place of Karkat’s presence in Dave’s life.

The troll had become a universal constant for Dave. Maybe the whole breakup had proven they needed space in order to keep heads from rolling, but—and he felt like a colossal dickweed just for thinking it—Dave didn’t want to give Karkat space anymore.  He desperately wanted normalcy again, at least something akin to what they once had.  The catharsis of the realization was suffocated under the deep unease Dave felt; knowing Karkat was still upset and  just going up to him and saying, ‘Hey, can we just forget anything happened just for the sake of making me feel better?’ would be worthy of an eternity in the company of dead Daves.

But there had to be some sort of middle ground…there had to be.

The two of them had spent too many nights yelling at each other over video games, until controllers started colliding with skulls, for there to be no way of making things work again.  Too many mornings waking up with bruises, rubbed-raw skin, and bite marks.  If Dave ever woke up before Karkat—a rare thing—sometimes he’d get the asshole to join the realm of the living by beating him senseless with a pillow or ruthlessly chewing on his ear or sometimes even sneaking between those gray thighs for a taste….

It was another thing entirely to try and remind himself that it probably wasn’t a good idea—for many reasons—to think about pailing with Karkat.  But it was difficult to turn his mind off once it turned on.  So Dave worked backwards, starting from the night they spent at the Cypress Hive on the beach, all the way back to when the two of them were just bickering over nothing, when they were still just incredibly awkward friends.  Even the simpler times with the both of them passing snarky remarks over Pesterchum, Dave missed it.

 Somewhere through all of his musings and half-attentive mixing, the song had found its end.  Dave sighed and pulled off his headphones, unwilling to force the music any further than it would go.  Well, at least the session had provided at least a little insight into the sad mess that was the inner machinations of Dave Strider.  He stopped the recording and saved the track before turning everything off and ascending from the depths of his studio. 

It was still way too early and Dave was tired but aware enough to understand that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.  Too busy trying to figure out what sort of compromise he could make with Karkat.  Maybe he could just ask how much longer they would need distance.  At least with some sort of end in sight, maybe this newly identified dissatisfaction would ease up a little.  Dave shuffled into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and stared listlessly into it for the better part of five minutes.

Then he finally realized that there wasn’t anything remotely edible inside.

“Goddammit.”

“Fighting with the milk again?” Jade asked from where she had suddenly appeared, seated on the counter. 

“Maybe if I had any.”  He shut the door, casting the room into darkness once again before drawing near to her open arms.  “What are you doing up?”

“I heard you banging around and decided to see what the fuss was.  You alright?” 

Jade was warm.  Her hair was all knotted and frazzled and smelled like wildflowers and a slight musk of sweat.  Good girl smell…earthy and fresh and wonderful.  And she was so soft.  Her arms around his middle were gentle.  When he sighed against her neck, she rocked him back and forth and hummed songs at him. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said gently. He kissed her neck and nuzzled her nose with his own so she’d giggle.  “You got any food at your place?  I forgot to stock up.”

“Mmhmm!  Want me to make you breakfast?”

“Can you make those eggs the way you made them last time?”

“Sure, cool guy.  Go put your hoodie on and we can walk together.”

“You’re not gonna zap us there?”

“You don’t wanna walk with me?”

Dave rolled his eyes. “Come on, don’t do the thing with your sad puppy face and the ears; you and I both know you’re full of it.”

Jade laughed, her fingers sneaking out to pinch his butt and make him yelp. 

“Least you could do is walk with me since you skipped out on cuddles in bed this morning,” she said.

“Capital offense,” Dave agreed.  He gave Jade another kiss and wandered back to the bedroom. 

~♠~

Karkat lived near the center of the compound, close to the fountain.  His boxy-looking hive was ribboned with bright scarlet banners that streamed from roof to grass in a strange, fluttering tent.  Three stories, tiered like a strange lopsided cake and black as tar with porthole windows.  It was an odd little place with unkempt gardens of heather and clover where Sollux’s bees spent half their time gathering nectar.  And then there were a few leftover tangles of vines from Karkat’s attempt at grapes.  Their dark curlicues spiraled off the lower windowsill on the eastern side of the first floor. 

When Dave looked in, he could not see past the drawn curtains; every single window was darkened and the midday sun was no help to try and find a light from inside.  Maybe he was still somewhere else.  Dave hadn’t made any honest attempts to keep track of him.  But everyone more or less knew that Karkat had gone to Gamzee and Tavros’ place.  Whether or not he stayed there was the real question.

But the Lime Hive was at the exact opposite end of their little town and Dave figured if he was going to end up wandering all the way over there, he might as well try Karkat’s hive first.  He eventually came to a stop at the front door once again, having wandered the entire circumference looking for signs of habitation.  He couldn’t hear one peep from within.  But he had yet to knock.

Dave took a deep breath and stepped into the shade of the porch canopy, curled his fist and rapped his knuckles against the door.

…not like he expected an answer.

Peeling himself away from his stupid situation, Dave crouched low and dropped his head between his knees, his hands wrapping around the back of his neck as he let out his held breath.  It was his own fault, he told himself.  His own goddamn fault. 

“Can’t be happy without fucking up everyone else, Strider,” he muttered to himself.  Well then, it was off to the Lime Hive to try his luck there.  Just to see him…just to know he was okay.  That was all he wanted. 

Dave stood up and dusted off his knees, turning to restart his mission.

Then the door opened.

It was a soft, unobtrusive sound of weatherproof sealing scraped against smooth wooden floor.  And in the small gap, with his shoulders hunched and jaw clenched, was Karkat.

“What do you want?” he asked.  His voice was uncharacteristically quiet.  Dave blinked at him through his sunglasses and wondered how bad a mistake it was to visit.

For a moment, he couldn’t think of anything.  Karkat was less than an arm’s length away, small looking and angry.  At the very least, he was upset, with his brow furrowed and his fangs grinding slowly against each other.  He looked thinner.  Probably not eating. The circles beneath his eyes were even darker than usual. All wrapped up in a black sweater with a few good sopor stains smeared on it and the sleeves all tugged out.

Whatever surged in Dave was nothing like the relief he’d hoped to experience upon seeing Karkat again.  It was more akin to the cold shiver of terror that had washed over Dave that time he stabbed Karkat by accident.  He swallowed hard and tried not to let any of it show on his face.

Right...Karkat had asked him what he wanted.

…what did he want again?  God, he couldn’t even remember.  Too internally frantic with endlessly tugging impulses:  feed Karkat, ask Karkat if he’s okay, tell Karkat that he’s sorry, wrap his arms around Karkat and never let go, put Karkat in bed and sing him to sleep, tell Karkat…tell Karkat….

Karkat glared a little harder.  Dave cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Can I come in?  Talk a little, maybe?” he asked.

Karkat’s eyes widened as if Dave had just announced that Gamzee died or something, and just watching it stung Dave’s heart a little.  That bad, huh?  Well, he should’ve known.  It would be ironic and completely terrible if now Karkat hated him for real.  Not like the sexy kind of hate but the ‘I wish you would sit in a dark pit forever and rot in your own tears’ kind of hate.  Of course, Dave found that reaction completely acceptable.  But somehow still managed to hope that maybe it wasn’t true. 

Oh god, why did he even bother knocking?  What did he think was going to happen?  He’d say a quick hello and then everything would be sunshine and rainbows once again?  Middle ground? _Normalcy?_   Jesus fuck, Strider, where is your reality and when was the last time you checked it?

“I-I can just go…,” he stuttered out abruptly right before Karkat even attempted to answer.  “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’ll just—”

“It’s fine.”

Dave looked at Karkat’s face.  Watched him take a shuddering exhale, closing his eyes and retreat into the darkness of the hive while leaving the door open.  Dave could hardly believe it, but he didn’t take a chance to collect himself lest Karkat become impatient and change his mind.

Inside the hive was dark.  Every light shut off and everything quiet.  The living room was a mess.  Blankets were everywhere and a few baskets were scattered about.  One of them knocked over, spilling its contents over the rug.  Dave walked over to it and set it upright, refilling it with—

“What are these, eggs?” he asked putting them back where they belonged.  He glanced over at Karkat who was leaning against a closed door with his arms folded across his chest and his eyes glowing sharp in the shadows.

“I’m helping Kanaya,” he said flatly, still quiet for some strange reason. 

“Oh, with her grubling stuff?  These aren’t all babies, are they?”  Dave smirked to himself as he cleaned up.

“No.  They’re blank.  Extras.”

“Oh, right.  Like chicken eggs.”  Dave held one of the blank eggs in his hand and pondered it a moment.  “Think they’re any good to eat?”

Karkat’s mouth opened and then he snapped it shut and simply shook his head.

“Yeah, sorry, bet that’s kinda gross, huh?  Borderline cannibalistic.  Next thing you know, you’ll be asking if I go munching on human eggs or whatever.” 

The troll’s brow scrunched like he didn’t quite understand.  But he said nothing and Dave finished gathering in silence.

“Mind if I sit down a bit?” he asked, gesturing to the couch.  Karkat just jerked his head towards it to give his permission and Dave settled himself so he could look straight across to Karkat’s face.  The shadows were protective of those hunched shoulders, and with his sunglasses on Dave could barely see Karkat’s face, save for the nocturnal glow of his pupils piercing through like shards of light.  Dave would’ve taken his shades off, but he was smart enough to know that Karkat wouldn’t respond well to a gesture of such intimacy; it’d be like Dave inviting a knife to his jugular.  So he went without and spoke to the darkness.

“You holding up alright?  You’re not at Gamzee’s anymore so….  It’s been a while, huh?”

To his relief, Karkat didn’t drag Dave’s perfect setup for an awkward silence out into the open.  Instead, he sighed and muttered a small, “I’m doing fine, Strider.”

“Good, I’m glad.”

“Is that all?” Karkat asked, his voice sharpening a little while still maintaining its lower volume.  “I’m fine but I’m not really in the mood to contend with your sudden shift to pitying me.  You’ll have to forgive me if I find it a little insulting.  It’s humiliating enough to stand pretend to be cordial.”

Dave winced; it flicked as a twitch at the corner of his mouth.

“Alright, look, I’ll go,” he conceded, getting to his feet.  “I didn’t come here to wax red at you, or even black, okay?  I just wanted to make sure my bro was still alive and breathing—”

“Well, now you know.”

“–and just….”  Dave sighed, looking down at his feet with a worrying hand at the back of his neck.  “I wanted to say that I’m sorry.  I know this whole breakup thing is on me and that it hurt you.  Fuck, I’m sure it still hurts but there’s no way you’d ever fess up about it—not to me.” 

Dave didn’t look up at Karkat’s face when he heard him grunt softly.  Approval of his assessment?  Or was he scoffing at it?  Who cared….

 “I’m sorry it hurts and I’m sorry I’m such a humongous douchenozzle.  I’m selfish enough to want to ask you if we could ever go back to being friends one day.  Even just the kind of friends that just happen to bump into each other at like, I dunno, the fucking grocery store …even though we don’t actually have one of those.  You know what I mean: the harvest swaps or the alchemiter.  Just like, ‘Hey, Karkat, still hoarding troll eggs?’ ‘At least I’m not eating them.’  Er, some other horrendous banter that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Dave, shut up.”

“Yeah, alright.”  He sighed and found Karkat’s shadowed visage once more, hoping that he somehow managed to make him smile like those old times, when Dave’s stupidity could manage such a feat.  No luck.  Dave took a moment to wonder if he’d made a decision that spawned more grief than he was realistically aware of.  What the fuck could he do to make things right again?

He didn’t miss the way Karkat’s head turned sharply to the side out of nowhere, as if something had caught his attention.  But then he just stared right back at Dave with his eyes wide and pushed away from the door he was leaning against, making motions to usher Dave out of the hive.

“Look,” Karkat muttered as they walked back to the front door, “I appreciate your apology, but I can’t forgive you.  Not right now.”

Dave nodded and opened the door without being prompted for it, walking out onto the step.

“Yeah.  It’s cool; I figured.”

“But…”

The caveat snagged on Dave’s heart with such a grip that it swung him around to look to Karkat’s face, anticipating with a held breath.  In the sunlight, Karkat’s gray skin seemed softer, even when he stepped out beneath the shade, shutting the front door again. Dave was surprised; he was under the impression he was being ejected, not accompanied.  Karkat lifted his chin and lined up his gaze with Dave’s eyes, his teeth scraping over his bottom lip as he chose his words.  The familiar gesture—its every memorable context and meaning—made a similarly familiar feeling hiccup and bubble to life inside Dave from where it had been silent for the past weeks.  Fuck , Karkat was still as gorgeous as ever.  It was in his every habit and act…so much easier to see in the light.

“…look, I don’t have a fucking clue about anything right now.”  Karkat sighed, rubbing at his eyes and making the boiling in Dave’s insides roll at the brief peek of translucent skin at that bony wrist, veins traced in purple.  “I need to take things at my own pace because if I don’t, I’m going to end up burying myself in someone’s garden to attempt to serve a better purpose than running around making an ass of myself.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s all fine,” Dave said, nodding a little more vigorously than needed to try and get himself to focus.  “I mean, don’t do that last stuff or whatever.  Just do what you want, yeah?”

“I could be friends with you again,” Karkat said.  Dave’s heart skipped.  “It’s going to take a while….”

“Like I said, it’s fine,” he repeated.  “Long as we get there someday.”

Karkat nodded.  And he didn’t smile.

“Guess I’ll see you around, then,” Dave said.

“Before long,” Karkat agreed, not looking at all enthused about the prospect.  “I’ll let you know.”

“Cool.  Hey, are you going to help out with the party next week?  They’re all coming home a little early, don’t know if you knew.”

“Oh.”  Karkat tensed.  Dave regretted mentioning it.

“I mean, you don’t have to help if you don’t want.  But you should def show up for when they come back cuz I don’t know what lengths John will go to trying to hunt you down for a bear hug.”

“Of course I’m gonna be at the party, fucknut. I’ve missed them too, you know.”

Dave couldn’t help his smile.  The snapping retort was comfortable to him: some shred of that coveted normalcy he’d been seeking.

“Speaking of missing you, Jade’s been wanting to see you,” Dave mentioned.  “So, on her behalf, I’m asking if it’s cool for her to reach out.  She’s afraid of upsetting you.”

“No, it’s fine, she can pester me whenever.  I’ll be open for visitors…,” Karkat grimaced, “…eventually.”

“Right.  With that, I think I’ll leave you alone now since I ran my welcome out long before I even left my own hive.”  Dave offered a little wave and then turned and stepped from the shade into the sunshine.  “Later, Kitty.”

He cringed, but didn’t bother to correct himself.  The nickname came out as it effortlessly had every other time, without a single thought.  A truly thoughtless way to say goodbye.  Dave heard no answer.  Only the door shutting again.  And the lock clicking into place.

~♠~

Jade blinked her eyes a few times in the silence as she watched Dave drifting.  Every second that passed, she could almost feel his breaths slowing, as if sleep was winding steadily around him.  With a soft sigh and a sweet smile, she scooted forward to give him a kiss and catch a mumbled, “Night, pun’kin.”  She laughed in a sing-song hum and shifted out from under the covers.  Sleep wasn’t too far for her, but before nodding off, Jade wanted to write.

She had been working in the greenhouse again when Dave came home.  His sudden embrace from behind had startled her but he held her tighter than ever, even more dearly than he had when he had come to pick her up at the windmill.

“Dave?” she had asked, almost afraid to, “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, God…,” he’d sighed burying his face into her hair.  His sigh was long and exhausted.  When he finally loosened enough for Jade to move, she’d turned about in his arms and brought him close once again, his hold returning almost full force.

“Are you okay?”  Jade had whispered, her fingers scratching at his shoulders to try and ease him.  “How did it go?”

“Better than I deserved,” Dave had said.  He pulled away and took his shades off to tuck them at the front of his shirt.  “I’m not off the hook, but I don’t think I have to worry about checking my AJ for poison anymore.” 

Jade had laughed because she knew Dave wanted her to laugh and give him an excuse to stop thinking so hard.  And then he smiled again and everything was a little bit better.

The other good news, he’d told her, was that Karkat was okay with her talking to him.  So, with the day gone and lingering contenment from recent afterglow, Jade thought it would be a good time to compose a little letter to one of her best and most missed friends.

Naked, on tiptoe, she crept to her worktable and opened the top drawer to pull out a sheet of paper.  Karkat didn’t mind if she messaged him, but more than that, Jade wanted to handwrite her note.   And she didn’t have to justify it to anyone.  It would give her an excuse to go walking tomorrow and she could leave a basket of fruit and flowers at his door.

                _Dear Karkat,_

_I missed you so much!  I’m so happy to be home and I can’t wait to see you.  Dave said you’ll be at the Welcome Home party so I hope that when I see you then, I can give you lots of hugs.  I have so much that I want to tell you about and I really want to show you my greenhouse, so look forward to those things, okay?  I know I’m not really the best person for this, but I hope you know that I’m still your friend and I care about you a lot and if there’s anything I can do for you, you’ll let me know.  I just want you to be happy.  Hope you’re doing okay and I’ll talk to you soon!_

_-Jade_

With a satisfied nod to herself, Jade folded the paper in half and hid it back in the drawer before crawling back into bed and snuggling herself against Dave’s chest, feeling better about tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See, I told you: you wouldn’t have to wait as long. <3 As promised, to my beautiful readers—some of whom are in tears over this story; bless your hearts—I bring you the halfway mark. Story’s definitely gonna be picking up fast after this, so please take a moment to take a deep breath and enjoy the fluff. I made it special just for you.
> 
> Another shout to my lovely beta reader, Eresu who has been such a great sport and a top notch editor for me. Thank you, hon, you’re worth diamonds a dozen.
> 
> -Querel

Karkat locked the door behind him and didn’t even think about the ache that stabbed through his heart at the old nickname Dave had called him.  The pain was short and sharp and then forgotten in his haste to run back to the nursery.  Drawing closer, he could hear the muffled noise becoming more audible and when he opened the door, Karkat found Aziz fussing irritably in her blanket nest on the floor.

He went right over to her and scooped her up into his arms, making soft shooshing noises as he stroked her hair and mouthed gently at her little horns.

“You almost got us in trouble, bug,” he murmured as he took her into the living room.  “Well, no, I guess I did.  I was the one who let him in like a brain-deflated fucktrumpet.”  Karkat settled into the rocking chair and reached to grab a handful of blank eggs, trying to encourage himself to breathe a little deeper.  Even without Karkat’s attentive hold, Aziz clung diligently to his sweater, her little grub legs finding good purchase in the fibrous cables as she chittered in his ear and tried to scooch up onto his shoulder.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, incredulous as he slid a hand beneath her and plucked her back down into his lap.  “Eat now, climb later.  Come on.”  Karkat gently ran his fingers along the points of her fangs until she opened her mouth.  Ravenous little bug; no wonder she’d been so fussy.  Aziz always seemed to wake up hungry.

His daughter was growing bigger and stronger every day.  Karkat was particularly pleased to see that her exoskeleton was thickening properly now that she had decided to climb every possible structure in sight.  He’d moved the nursery downstairs into one of the unused rooms so he could give her a place where she could climb safely.  His own bedroom was crammed with sickles and computer parts. Not to mention his recooperacoon, which Aziz was very keen on climbing into since its texture matched well with her little Velcro-hooked feet.  He didn’t want to risk her falling in; Kanaya had explained that undiluted sopor would be toxic to her mishmashed biology.

So he had taken to sleeping on the sofa in the living room with his head wrapped in one of Aziz’s sopor blankets.  It wasn’t nearly as restful as submerging himself in sopor itself, but at least he was able to keep a better eye on her with this arrangement without confining her to a playpen.

Karkat watched in silence as Aziz munched on her egg, heedless to the thick, translucent gobs of albumin that were dripping down Karkat’s fingers into his palm.  He sighed and a smile threatened to form at the corner of his mouth.  “There has to be a better way to do this,” he said mostly to himself.  “Guess when you’re just a grub on your own with a Lusus it doesn’t matter much if you make a mess.”

Aziz shrilled and gulped down the last bit of eggs she could find before deciding that Father’s fingers were the next best thing.

“Hey, cut it out,” he said, taking his hand away to clean it off on a nearby rag.  It had only been a few days since Karkat had taken her home, but he was falling easily into the routine of looking after her.  The tough part was trying to understand what she was crying about half the time.  Usually it was just because she was hungry, but sometimes she just wanted to be held.  Aziz hated sleeping alone; there were several times that Karkat would just cocoon her in her blanket and stick her in the baby-carrying device Rose had alchemized for him.  She called it a papoose.  Aziz snuffle-snored and Karkat loved it.  He barely ever wanted to put her down because holding her was like some sort of charm that settled his grief and anguish.  

But that was when she wasn’t howling for him in the middle of his sleep.  At least he didn’t have to worry about idleness.  There was always something to do when it came to grub-rearing, apparently.  It was a good distraction from his heartache.  But every now and then, Aziz would narrow her little eyes in a way that seemed too familiar.  And even without consciously doing it, her tiny, silver eyebrows would flick upwards out of nowhere and Karkat’s memory would echo the exact same gesture only with Dave’s face.  

Strider’s unforeseen visit had done little more than stress Karkat.  He didn’t even have full possession of his faculties when he opened the door; didn’t really realize what might’ve happened if Aziz had been discovered.  Dave’s apology, though….

Karkat sighed and offered his baby another egg, which she eagerly slurped at after taking her first bite.  There was a sound, sudden and wildly unfamiliar, which jolted Karkat away from whatever reverie he had considered sinking into.  Aziz was coughing.  Tiny, almost hollow-sounding strains that were quickly developing into some sort of fit.  Karkat felt his own lungs contract in panic.  He discarded the egg and held Aziz to himself, trying to discern what was wrong.

She wasn’t choking, just coughing.  But she hadn’t stopped coughing, even after a good few seconds.  Karkat furrowed his brow and pulled her back against his chest, her tiny chest heaving rapidly against his as he carried her into the kitchen.  His husktop was already open on the table.  Karkat typed a quick message right as the grub began to calm down and was making a good effort to try and scale Karkat’s shoulder again, now that she had the energy to do it.

“Seriously?” Karkat asked her as she stuck an errant foot into his cheek, aiming for even greater heights.  “Do I have to tape you to myself?”  Her chatter-murmuring in his ear was raspy.  Karkat sighed, retrieving his grub to keep her safely in his grasp as he searched around the kitchen, eventually finding a rag that he soaked with water.  He took a seat at the table and held the wet cloth to Aziz’s lips so she could drink.  The soft, suckling noises of her mouth lulled him into a cycle of anxious thoughts, which circled back on him over and over until a knock on the front door disturbed the quiet.

He didn’t bother getting up, which was fine because the one knocking was Rose and she had been given a copy of his house key, seeing as how Karkat continually enlisted her and Kanaya’s help.

So the door opened, shut and locked again as Karkat called a gentle, “In here,” to guide Rose to himself.  She entered the kitchen with a bag in tow, which was soon set down on the table, her hands held out to take the baby from Karkat.

“You look well-rested,” he commented begrudgingly as he put Aziz into her godmother’s arms.  Karkat had no idea what a godmother even was, but Rose had given him a short explanation of the role and it sounded appropriate to him, so he generally accepted it and hadn’t bothered to remember what it meant in favor of trying to figure out the best way to give his daughter water to drink, hence the soaked rag that Rose had taken as well, letting the wriggler suckle from it.

“I’m not stealing your sleep from you, Karkat,” Rose said, smiling in her wily way.

“Yeah, _you’re_ not.”

“Are you getting some sort of rest, at least?  You know Kanaya and I could come over more often.”

“Because that wouldn’t be conspicuous at all,” Karkat grumbled.

“I’m serious,” Rose said, completely disregarding the water that was dripping down her forearm, dampening the golden silk of her sleeve.  “Kanaya would definitely love the chance to look after Aziz for a few hours.  Just like how you would definitely love to sleep uninterrupted for an extended period.”

“More importantly, what’s wrong with my grub?”  He could worry about himself after he was sure Aziz wasn’t dying or falling prey to something of equal horror.  “She just started coughing out of nowhere.”

Rose shifted Aziz in her arms and put the rag aside so she could tap her fingers against the baby’s lips.  Of course, Aziz opened her mouth wide, blinking her cherry red eyes up at Rose and her searching gaze for a short second before focusing briefly on Rose’s hand.  Even though there was nothing for her to consume, Aziz closed her lips around the Seer’s fingers anyway and sucked at them.

“Her throat’s a little inflamed,” Rose told Karkat.  “And she’s warm, did you notice?”

Karkat nodded.  “Vaguely.  Is she sick?”

“I think so,” Rose said.  “Probably just a summer cold.  I can alchemize some medicine for her if you like.”

“No, I’m sure my unsurpassed skills of child-rearing and sickness-healing are more than adequate to return my genetically abominated grub to a state of perfect health.”  She raised her eyebrows at him, unamused, and he just rolled his eyes.  “Yes, goddammit, bring me all the medicine you can possibly make.”

“Alright,” Rose said gently, unfazed.  “Just make sure she stays hydrated and naps often.  And let us help you.”

Karkat looked into Rose’s eyes, the pale violet cutting through his already prepared rebuff.  “You’re not as alone as you might think,” she went on to say.  “Your efforts are at their worst because you’re operating on the belief that you have to raise her on your own, and that you’ll _always_ be alone in this.  But—there’s no way you don’t know this—as soon as you stop keeping her a secret, everyone is going to be there to support you.”

Karkat scoffed, slipping away from Rose’s probing gaze to watch Aziz instead, who was curling up on Rose’s lap, still sucking her fingers with quiet noises.

“You couldn’t _pay_ me to believe that,” he said, slumping a little in his chair.  “A couple of them are not going to give a shit.  There might be a few who will be interested but there’s no way in hell they’d actually do anything beyond coming to gawk at me.  At least one person is going to be furious for one reason or another.  Guess who my money’s on.”

Rose’s frown was slight, but perched upon her lips, it was prominent as the sun in the sky.  Karkat wasn’t looking at her, though.  In the short silence that followed Karkat’s fears, he reached out, wanting his daughter, the one person he knew for sure needed him, back in his arms again.

“Do you really think that?” Rose asked quietly as she offered the baby to him.

“Dave came by today,” Karkat told her, blatantly changing the subject.  Rose’s eyes widened but before she could say anything, Karkat negated the conclusion she’d jumped to.  “He came apologizing.  Saying he wanted to be friends.  He still doesn’t know; I kept her hidden.”  He watched as Rose’s shoulders eased and her expression adopted that default of attentive but somehow clinical concern.

“Are you under the impression that when he finds out that you two have a child together, he’s going to sever you and Aziz from himself?”

“I’ve already accepted it,” Karkat said with bitter resolution.  “If I don’t expect that as the outcome, then I’ll just end up pining away and hoping for some bullshit romantic miracle.  So pardon me if my feelings of isolation are bleeding over into an expectation of abandonment because, hey, wouldn’t that be ironic….”

“I think you’re being prematurely fatalistic,” Rose said, pushing the bag she had brought across the table to him.  “But if that’s how you have to be right now, then fine.  I just hope you won’t stay that way out of pure stubbornness.”

“What’s this?” Karkat asked, tugging at the bag’s opening to try and peer inside while Aziz squirmed in his arms.

“For you,” Rose told him.  “Kanaya made your favorites.”

Karkat found several dishes stacked inside the cloth satchel, all warm and faintly exuding the scent of Alternian cuisine that he could barely even remember eating all those years ago.  Just the thought of Kanaya going through the trouble of preparing it all to try and bring him some comfort was enough to sooth his melancholy.

“Tell her thanks for me,” Karkat said to Rose.  She smiled at him and nodded.

“I’ll have that medicine for you by tomorrow,” she said, getting to her feet. “Be kind to yourself, Karkat.  You’re doing an incredibly selfless thing, taking care of her.  You owe yourself a little gentleness.”

“I’ll try to remember that,” he mumbled.  After she left the hive became quiet again, save for Aziz’s never-ending chittering.  His fingers stroked along her smooth, segmented body and every now and then, his skin would catch on residual stickiness from the eggs she’d eaten a little more sloppily than usual.

“You’re gross,” he said to her, tickling at her horns through her silvery locks.  He stopped, though, when she started coughing instead of shrieking in chirpy giggles.  And without deciding so much as transitioning, Karkat departed the kitchen and took Aziz upstairs to draw a bath.  

It was a bit of a task to get his clothes off while still holding her the entire time, especially since—despite the onset of her illness—Aziz didn’t want to be still and would rather squirm around or try to climb up into the sweater Karkat was attempting to rid himself of.

“One day soon,” he said to her, finally disrobed and bending to test the water’s temperature, “I will take you outside and let you climb on everything you can find if only to wear you out so I can sleep for a few consecutive hours for once in my life.”

The water in the bath was a little lukewarm for his tastes but Karkat didn’t pay much mind to it.  He settled down into the tub with Aziz against his chest and watched her suddenly quiet as the water rose around her legs.  He couldn’t help it; a short laugh escaped him.  Just the look of confusion on her face….

“Yeah, that shut you up, huh?” he chuckled at her.  He’d given her sponge baths before, but this experience was all new for her.

The novelty of the water was enough to hold her attention for about ten seconds until she just went back to her normal babbling squirminess.  Karkat managed to corral and soothe her into a half-stillness by humming one of Dave’s songs to her and talking in a low voice about nothing in particular.  He gently cleaned the sticky spots from her body, balancing her on the mostly dry plane of his chest while he told her the story of a bunch of clueless kids trying to save the world…or make it.  

“It’s a fucking relief that you’ll never have to go through any of that,” he said as he very carefully soaped her hair with a dab of shampoo, his wet fingers massaging her little head as he redoubled his vigilance so she wouldn’t end up with soap in those sensitive eyes of hers.  “Though I guess every wriggler goes through the toughest shit in their own life, regardless if it involves inciting the apocalypse….”

Aziz, of course, had nothing to contribute to the conversation.  Instead, she purred so loudly that the water around her body rippled with each exhale, her eyes closed as Karkat washed her hair.  By the time he finished rinsing her off, she was already falling asleep, giving little cooing snores as he bundled her up in a towel.

Karkat still kept the bassinette in his own respiteblock next to his recooperacoon since the blanket nest in the first floor nursery was something Aziz could easily crawl into herself without needing any help.  So he exchanged her towel for one of her many blankets and set her down in the cradle while he dried himself off and changed into a new set of clothes: ones that didn’t smell like day-old sweat or were crusty with random sopor splotches.  He glanced towards his recooperacoon only once, which was a mistake because its green, analgesic allure was whispering to him. There was no way Aziz was going to stay asleep for long; she just had a nap not an hour before.  So Karkat ignored the beckoning of slumber and carried his snoozing babe back downstairs again.

He took the food that Rose had brought him from the kitchen and went to the sofa, tucking himself into the corner of it and letting Aziz nest in his lap as he ate.  Again, there was this terrible, pressing silence.  Even though he felt like he never had a moment’s peace anymore, Karkat couldn’t stand the silence.  It felt too much like loneliness.  Every now and then, he would look down to check on Aziz—to remind himself that he wasn’t _really_ alone.  Still….

Karkat swallowed hard around his most recent bite and suddenly his food didn’t seem appetizing.  He set it aside on the coffee table and lifted his grub into his arms instead, cradling her tenderly.  He nuzzled his nose into her damp, gray hair and kissed her gently, almost afraid to.

“How am I gonna tell him, bug?” Karkat whispered.  “How am I gonna do any of this?  I’m so fucking incompetent….”

Aziz coughed.  Her little breaths scratched with every inhale and then exited in fits.  Karkat frowned and rubbed his hand against her back.  He’d barely been taking looking after her for a week and she was already sick.  He was just doing a spectacularly shit job at being a parent.  It probably would’ve been better for Aziz if she had just stayed with Kanaya and Rose.  More than likely, it would’ve driven Karkat into another kind of crazy, but at least his grub would’ve been healthy.  

Her coughing subsided; Aziz tugged herself up Karkat’s shirt, nuzzling her head under his chin as she clung to him, cooing and purring.  The was a hitch in her father’s chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

“I can’t take you back now,” he said to her, halfway into shedding tears from an aching combination of exhaustion and melancholy.  “I promised I’d take care of you and I will.  And I will never leave you for as long as you need me.  You will never be alone.”

Aziz continued in her raspy chirping, her tiny horns nudging against Karkat’s neck every now and then.  Karkat himself was thinking back to Dave and how he had been sitting on that very couch just a few hours ago.  Somehow, he couldn’t stop himself from picturing it:

Dave snoozing gently on the couch, Aziz curled against his side.  If he held her, he’d probably let her climb all over him, ride in the hood of jacket as he toted her around and improvised rhymes for her.  And when she was older….  Karkat had a brief vision of Dave sitting next to a pale pink chrysalis, touching it with careful fingertips, waiting….

And Karkat supposed all of these thoughts could indeed be in a realistic future.  He was sure…well, no, not sure, but very hopeful—that Dave would love Aziz just as much as he did if Dave would just spend time with her.  The thing was, none of these visualizations hosted Karkat at Dave’s side.  No matter how much he might’ve wanted it, to Karkat, there was no way he could even _pretend_ to have a life with Dave; he’d already come to grips with the fact that their ending was permanent.

Dave had asked to be friends again.  If he still wanted to be friends after learning about Aziz, then Karkat would endeavor to make it work.  Friend-parents.  Ultra weird but entirely possible, right?  

He couldn’t be bothered to think about it any further because Karkat had suddenly and very resolutely decided that he didn’t want to keep his secret any longer than necessary.  He was done with all the masturbatory pity-partying.  Aziz was sick now, but she’d be fine by the time the Welcome Home party happened.  At least, Karkat hoped she would be.  So, that evening, he decided, after everyone had been reunited and the hype died down, he would bring Aziz out to them and she would meet everybody in the whole world.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for the chapter itself, I’m really sorry that it took forever to get to you. I can’t really offer you a good reason other than it just did. Hopefully there won’t be much delay for chapter twelve. Thank you so much guys for sticking around. You’re great.  
> -Querel

Dusk to nighttime was a long moment of anticipating with many skyward glances.  Everyone had gathered in the courtyard of the Redwood Hive, which was more or less the castle of the commune.  It was foremost the place where Feferi, Sollux and Eridan lived.  But it was also the meeting space for the whole community and housed the alchemizing equipment, the network hubs, the surplus stores and the library/museum within its strong and elegantly carved beams.  The gates into the courtyard and gardens were always open and there was almost always someone lingering within them.  The only time everyone gathered within its confines was during New Year’s and on occasions like today, when the group that had been split was coming together to be whole once again.

Dave had arrived with Jade pretty early since she wanted to help Feferi with the setup and he had spent most of his time having conversations with Sollux about the projects that he had recently been working on.

“Talked with Karkat at all?” Dave had asked him at one point.

“Nah,” Sollux replied, dismissively.  “That asshole is never online anyway.”

“Think he’ll show up?”  Dave’s fingers wrung against themselves within the confines of his pockets.

“He better,” Sollux answered.  “Vantas may not be talkative lately, but a certain fin-faced douchedrip has been and so help me god, he’s gotta find _someone_ other than me to annoy or I’m gonna end up fucking him in the rosebushes in front of everyone.”

Dave had blinked slowly behind his shades and then decided that he probably could never appreciate the subtleties and nuances that comprised a true black romance—so delicate and fragile, these things….

He changed the subject to Sollux’s beekeeping, desperately hoping that there were no opportunities for the conversations to segue back into the frightening territory of the caliginous relationship between Captor and his kismesis .  But eventually, Dave found his mind unable to focus on anything but the supposition that Karkat might not actually show his face. 

It was after everyone else had finally shown up, even after Tavros and Gamzee came half an hour past the agreed-upon meeting time.  The sun had set, those silly tiki torches had all been lit and everyone was excited and chatting happily to one another, already dipping into some of the food.  Dave kept meandering nearer and nearer to the side gate. Maybe not intentionally going for casual, but no one had caught onto his act to duck out until he turned and got a face full of grinning fangs.

“Off to find Karkat?” Terezi asked him after he calmed down from the sudden start that she’d given him.

“Uh…yeah,” he admitted outright, “just wouldn’t want him to miss out on everything, you know, when everyone gets here.  He’d probably end up bitching at us all for not making sure he was here if he conked out and didn’t bother to set an alarm or anything and no one wants to put up with that shit, do they?”

“Hm…,” Terezi twisted a sneer at him.  Dave narrowly avoided flushing straight through his cheeks.  Saved only by darkness and a sudden breeze.  “While you make a convincing argument, I feel like you have ulterior motives and His Honor does not appreciate secrets.”

“Well, when I’m actually standing in front of your fucking scary troll judge, I promise to come completely clean, lest my flesh be stripped from my bones,” Dave deadpanned. 

Terezi smiled again.

“Very well, then.  Carry on.” 

Dave gave her a mock salute and turned, slipping out of the gate, not turning back when Terezi called out,

“Whatever you do, be nice.”

It was rather warm that evening.  Even with the sun gone and the stars all out, the dark welcome after a bruising afternoon of cloudless summer light, the heat of those many hours had soaked into the atmosphere and left it weighed with warmth.  Dave padded along one of the dirt roads that led through the town, his hands in his pockets and his shades perched on top of his head once he had navigated far away from the fire-lit party and found himself in the deep of the encompassing night.  Its many billions of stars and glowing moon weren’t enough to merit his darkened eyeware.  He didn’t really feel like running into a tree anytime soon.

Wasn’t long until he got to the characteristic black-walled hive; he almost collided with it and narrowly dodged out of tripping headfirst into the door.  He cleared his throat, reminding himself that no one was around to actually see that and then knocked.  It was a gentle rap against the reinforced metal, Dave’s lips parting to let Karkat’s name slip out as he called for him.  And then again, a little louder.  There was no answer.  Even with his ear against the door, Dave couldn’t hear any sounds of movement from inside.  Doubtful, he tried the doorknob, his eyebrows raising in surprise when he found that it opened for him.

Inside, the hive was as cluttered and disheveled as it ever was, the scattering of mess bathed in the glow of a single lamp.

The muddle was more or less negligible for Dave, whose eyes instantly focused on Karkat.  The troll was napping on the sofa, a blanket awkwardly scrunched over his body.  Dave sighed through the silence, the corner of his mouth lifting into a smile as he shuffled over to the couch and knelt down next to it.

Being at eyelevel to his once-upon-a-time lover instantly incited old memories of waking up next to him.  A soft sadness tumbled about in Dave’s stomach and come voiceless part of him was asking why things couldn’t have just stayed the way they were.  Instinctually, there was an answer: it insisted that the way things were wasn’t right…for some reason Dave couldn’t suss out at the moment.  He refocused on Karkat and narrowed his eyes.

Why would he be sleeping at this hour?  Dave frowned at the prospect of the troll being ill.  With barely a thought towards it, his hand reached and touched Karkat’s forehead.  His tongue clicked in a scoff; damn thick troll skin.  Could never feel out a fever that easily….  Dave shifted, his hand gripping the pillowed lump of the armrest as he pressed his lips gently against Karkat’s skin, idle fingers brushing the troll’s bangs away.  An indulgent kiss between those dark eyebrows.

Warm…. A careful breath eased out and Dave’s eyes slid shut.  Not sickly-warm but familiar-warm: Karkat-warm.  Warm like Dave had been lingering too long beneath air conditioning and had finally stepped into the summer sunshine.  His heart seized and splintered all at once in a terrible epiphany and Dave pulled back, frightened.

It was a moment for cow-eyed gaping and instinctual inner-babbling: Dave had realized something important.  But for the fuck of all, he could _not_ figure out what the hell it was.  He was still blinking dizzily after being impacted face-first with reality’s class ring-spangled fist.  The words ‘oh fuck’ and ‘this hurts’ ripped through him like a barrage and before he could coagulate a coherent thought, he was distracted.  Karkat moved.

Or, rather, Karkat’s _blanket_ moved.  The lump of it on his chest shifted in a way that was eerily unnatural for someone’s chest to move.  The shell-shocked expression remained frozen on Dave’s features as he glanced at Karkat’s face to see if the guy was about to upchuck his entire thoracic cavity.  Then he jolted, startled by an unfamiliar sound: a chirping noise. 

“The hell…,” he muttered and pulled the blanket away from Karkat. “Jesus!”

Dave unceremoniously toppled to his rear.  His exclamation had apparently startled the freaky ass…bug…thing that had been uncovered and it began shrieking like a cicada doing its best impression of a yowling feral cat.  Which, of course, woke Karkat up in a fright.  He stared, horrified, at the bug, then at Dave and then scooped the squishy creature into his arms and immediately went about trying to calm it down.  Dave was left to sit there on his ass and catch his breath.  His attentions may have been in his obnoxious armful, but Karkat’s eyes remained locked on Dave’s with a recognizably stricken fury.

“What the fuck did you do?” Karkat hissed at him, those eyes burning with something primal that made Dave want to abscond the fuck out of there.  But that would’ve been even more douche than breaking and entering and…every other stupid thing he’d done so far.  He swallowed hard, remaining wordless until Karkat got the thing to be quiet again.

“Sorry,” Dave mumbled, his fingers scratching at the rug beneath him.  “Didn’t mean to freak out your uh…,” he narrowed his eyes at the creature, “…your gummy worm there.  Is it okay?”

Karkat’s muscles were completely tense.  Dave could see the troll’s hackles up.

“She’s fine,” Karkat bit out.

“A she?  Cool, cool,” Dave said, trying to steady what he could since he’d obviously rattled the situation without the consent of anyone present.  “Where’s you get her?  She some kind of troll pet or something?”

Karkat shook his head and pulled the little thing closer to himself, which wasn’t very appreciative and squirmed and grunted in an effort to get free.  Dave kept his eyes on it…her, in an effort to avoid Karkat’s resolve-shredding glare and found her looking back at him.  Bright red eyes, milky-pale skin, blunted fangs and silver hair with tiny little horns.  Dave laughed in a short huff.

“She looks just like you.”

As soon as he said it, Dave’s stomach turned to cement.  The small smile dropped from his face.  He forgot how to inhale.  And then he dared himself….  “She’s _yours_.”

Karkat didn’t answer so much as make this noise hallway between a choke and a growl—a warning sound.  Dave had heard it snarled at him during strifes and in punctuation to arguments.  It was all the confirmation he needed.  He forced himself to take a breath, attempting to quell the twist in his guts.

“…when did _that_ happen?”  Who the hell Karkat had been pailing in order to make that… _thing_.

“Two months ago,” Karkat said.  Still snarling, yes, but his lack of rambling monologue spoke of something more than anger.  Karkat was scared.  Even so, Dave couldn’t be assed to be concerned and his clipped laugh demonstrated the steady swelling of what cruelty was festering inside him. 

“What, so Makara gave you a pity-fuck and you just decided to reap the genetic bounty?”  He lifted his gaze to cast an angry sneer in Karkat’s face but was instantly rebuffed.

What fear Dave might’ve supposed Karkat had been harboring was absent, all traces turned to absolute spite.  Karkat shifted from a defensive curl on the couch to an offensive lean: fangs bared, pupils narrowed like needles, his very energy clawing off of him like lightning.  Dave immediately regretted everything he’d ever said in his life.

“Get the fuck out of my hive,” Karkat growled, rising from the couch like a tsunami surging up from the horizon.

“No, no, wait,” Dave tried.  A savage roar interrupted him.  “I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean it.”  He scrabbled to his feet. “It’s none of my business who you decide to make troll babies with; you don’t have to justify—”

“You’re goddamn right I don’t!” Karkat yelled, pushing towards Dave and making him stumble a little as he tried to back away.  “But the fucking joke’s on you, you shit-for-brains dick-whistle:  she’s not Gamzee’s, she’s _yours_.”

~♠~

John stayed airborne longer than he’d really predicted.  He had planned, very deliberately, to hug Karkat first.  The troll would fuss and gripe about it but if John didn’t hug Karkat first, the poor guy would get more and more anxious with every delay towards their reunion.  John had found himself extremely eager and whisked ahead of the returning party so he could be sure that the reuniting Friendleaders would have priority.

But that plan had been foiled.  Karkat wasn’t there.

Disappointment dropped into John’s stomach like he’d gulped down a rock and his landing into the middle of the partygoers wasn’t particularly graceful or enthused as he plunked down in front of Rose.

“Where’s Karkat?” John asked, frowning at her.

“John, my best friend, it’s so good to see you after all those months, you look well,” Rose answered, hugging him despite the obviously sarcastic smile on her lips.  He chuckled a little and hugged her back.

“It’s good to see you too.  Really.”  He smiled at her.  “I missed you.

“I missed you too,” Rose said.  “As for Karkat, I think he’s still home.”

John’s stomach-rock turned into a cinderblock.

“But…why?”

“Before you take it personally,” Rose said gently, just as the rest of the trolls began to enter through the gate and descend from the night skies, “Karkat has some very impertinent, rather unexpected business he needs to attend to.  He wanted to be here.”

“So then, why isn’t he? He’s okay, right?”

Rose sighed, her brow creasing a little.

“He will be.”

It was enough.

“Right, well, I’ll be back,” John said, determined.  He glanced at Rose to see if she would try to stop him but she simply retreated a step to give him room.  Behind her, Kanaya stood, worrying at her bottom lip.  God, what the fuck had happened…?

John turned, planning to take off skyward, but stopped before he could even get a heel off the ground.  Dave was stumbling through the darkness, towards the gardens.  His shades were nowhere to be seen, arms dead at his side, shoulders slumped forward as he stared at the ground, dragging himself forward as if his shoes were the ones doing all the work and the rest of him was just along for the ride.  His face was pallid, all sunken lines and wrecked.

“Jesus, Dave, are you alright?” John asked, rushing towards him, arms out to catch him if he fell over.

Dave stopped once his shoulders came in contact with John’s outstretched palms.  He looked up.  Stared at John’s face—John gasped softly, never seeing his friend look so utterly empty in his life—and though the clamor of happiness and frivolity echoed behind him, John’s world felt silent.  Something horrible had happened.  “Oh, god, what is it?”

Dave shook his head.  Pushed John away.  He lifted his face towards the party and shook his head once more, doing an about-face back towards the darkness.

John glanced back at Rose, panicked.  She murmured something to Kanaya, who then took off running in the direction Dave had come from. 

“Rose, what the fuck is going on?” John asked as she came to join him, watching Dave stagger towards his own hive.

“I’m going to go get Gamzee,” Rose said gently.  “Go tell Jade where Dave is going.  I have a feeling this situation is in need of some serious damage control.”

“Rose,” John begged, holding her wrist, searching her eyes desperately for answers.  “What’s wrong with my friends?”  She smiled sadly at him.

“A whole host of things, John,” she said.  “Most of which could be easily resolved if they just knew how to love each other the way they wanted to.  But I think the immediate problem is something that really isn’t my business to divulge.  The time for secrets has ended.  Your questions will be answered.  For now, please do as I ask.”

John took a long breath and nodded.  He didn’t really have any other option than to trust her.  He _would_ find out.  And when he did, John promised himself that he would do his best to help his friends.  It was what he did best, after all.

~♠~

“Karkat!  Karkat, let me in!”

Kanaya banged her fist on the door urgently until she heard the familiar shriek of Aziz crying inside.  She twisted the doorknob and pushed until the door opened.  Frantically, she scanned the room and found Karkat slumped over on the floor, Aziz weeping in his arms. 

Kanaya ran to his side and gently put her hands on his shoulders.

“Karkat….  Karkat, look up at me, please.”

He lifted his face, stared into Kanaya’s eyes and heaved a sigh, his own gaze hollow and deadened.

“Take her from me,” Karkat rasped, holding the wailing grub out for Kanaya to take.  “I need to…lay down for a while.”

“Karkat, Rose is bringing Gamzee, okay?” Kanaya told him, stroking Aziz’s back to try and quell her. 

“What?  Why?”

Kanaya stared at him, incredulous.  “Because you need him.”

“I need him?”

“Obviously you do!”

“I need Gamzee,” Karkat repeated dumbly.

“You need your friends,” Kanaya insisted.  “You shouldn’t be alone anymore.”  Karkat’s eyes gained some life in them, and then a distinctive shine of tears. His teeth clenched together and his chin dimpled with the effort of trying to rein himself in.

“I need my friends,” he choked.

The door opened again.  Karkat looked up, caught sight of Gamzee standing there, his eyes wild with worry.  He didn’t start sobbing until Gamzee had enfolded him, picking him up off the floor and cradling him like Karkat was the wriggler.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /deep breath and sigh
> 
> OKAY. SO. HERE’S HOW SHIT’S GONNA GO.
> 
> You all know that this hasn’t updated in… /counts on fingers …almost half a year. /dies on the inside a little
> 
> And for a while there I was seriously considering just discontinuing it. I’ve reread this thing over and over and looked at my plot outlines and thought about shit and I have turned up dissatisfied with a lot of things. With character motivations and development and how some are turning out to be douchewaffles and others are turning out to be kind of pointless. I was seriously thinking this is unsalvageable.
> 
> AND IT IS. This fic is utter shit, and I am fine with admitting that. Because that means now I’m gonna do whatever the FUCK I WANT. FUCK COHERENCY. I had this whole damn story planned out from start to finish but as I wrote it, I realized that my plan was not what was happening. If this story is going to finish, it’s going to finish in a way that I had not originally planned. Which means from this point on, I know fuck all about how this is gonna go. 
> 
> I cannot guarantee that everything that happens for the second half of this fic is going to make sense with the shit that happened in the first half. I cannot guarantee that the pairings I originally planned to make happen at the end of this fic are going to happen. At least, not in the way that I thought they would.
> 
> What I do want to do is finished this story like I promised I would, even if it means getting a little stupid. So, yes, if you see things not making sense, I’m sorry, I’m not sorry. I’m going to try and make everything work as well as I can but I’m not going to follow this original plan because I can tell that if I do I’m gonna hate it and if I hate it then you’re gonna hate it too. Just…trust me. Trust that I will bring you good things. It’s all I ever want.
> 
> Thank you, friends. <3 I’m glad to be back.
> 
> -Querel

_“Diamonds…diamonds in the dark season’s moonrise.  Pale and hanging for me…to reach up and take for you…”_

Karkat snuffled thickly and nuzzled his nose against Gamzee’s shoulder as the gangly troll crooned vintage love songs at him, the ones he knew Karkat loved.  He wasn’t at all put off by Karkat’s occasional shudder of tears and kept rocking him back and forth, singing to him.

_“…come daytime and sunlight…they’ll all hide away…but I’ll find a way…to bring them back for you.”_

Trembling fingers clenched into the fabric of Gamzee’s shirt and Karkat let a great sigh soak into its black fibers and Gamzee kept on humming.

Distantly, the sound of a baby grub fussing rose to Karkat’s awareness and then came a soft knock on his respiteblock door.  Gamzee looked down at him.  Karkat nodded.

“Come on in,” Gamzee called out.  The door opened with a gentle whuff of air and Kanaya stepped in, eyes politely averted and focused on Aziz, who was making needy noises in her godmother’s arms.

“I think she misses you, Karkat,” Kanaya murmured.  She approached until she was kneeling at the foot of the pile that bad been gathered in the warmest corner of the respiteblock.  Karkat shifted away from Gamzee’s embrace and took his daughter back into his arms, sniffing a little as he did.  Aziz began purring as soon as she settled against her father’s chest.

“Thank you,” Karkat mumbled.  Kanaya smiled and departed, shutting the door behind her.

There was a moment of soft silence while Karkat cradled his grub much like Gamzee was cradling him. Aziz purred gently and every now and then would make little happy chirps, nuzzling against Karkat’s chest.

“Tell me about your pretty girl there, palebro,” Gamzee coaxed.  Karkat considered for a moment, thumbing Aziz’s horn a little. 

He’d spent the past few hours jamming with Gamzee about Dave.  About being lonely, about hating himself, about feeling abandoned, about how he’d realized over a year ago he didn’t actually hate Dave, but was completely flushed for him.  How everything changed after that.  How Karkat’s bloodpusher just wasn’t in it, the black spark that they’d had faded, how Dave started to lose interest after that.  How Karkat was jealous of Jade.  How he was tired of hiding.  How he was terrified of being a father and terrified of _still_ being alone and terrified of Dave never loving their daughter, even more terrified than Dave never being his friend again.

Gamzee had listened and added no advice or counsel the entire time, just nodded and paid his utmost attention while petting Karkat’s hair and kissing chastely at the nubs of his horns to soothe him.  The singing had just been a way to ease Karkat through the moment when he felt like he had nothing else to spill but the tears that’d he’d been holding back over all of this mess.

Aziz was blinking slowly up at Karkat.  He smiled.

“She’s obnoxious,” Karkat said quietly, touching the tip of his finger to her nose.  “Can’t shut up for half the night and only drops off to sleep if she’s been scurrying over every possible surface in the house, including me.  And she’s needy.  If she’s making a fucking mess of the planet by her own volition, then that’s fine but if I ever just put her down so I can get some rest, she thinks it’s the end of the goddamn world and won’t stop whimpering until I snuggle her again.”

“Aww….”

“Don’t you coo at me.  It’s not so adorable when you’re losing sleep due to the egocentric whims of a whining little wiggler.”

“She loves you, best friend.  You are her whole wide world and she’s got the know of how you love on her back: all complete and straight-up marvelous.”  Gamzee grinned.  “Can I have a look at holding her?”

Karkat’s lips pressed together but eventually he turned around and settled his grub into his moirail’s arms.

“Make sure she has support for her legs or she’ll tumble off you,” he muttered, though Aziz has already eagerly begun exploring her new jungle gym.

“Little babe’s all excited about this much as I am,” Gamzee guffawed, his eyes following Aziz closely with a dopey smile on his fangs.

It shattered Karkat’s heart in the best way to watch his little girl bond with his beloved palemate.  And like the sudden softness of a summer rain, he felt anxiety and tension melt away from him.  Perfect, somehow…. Like this is what he’d always needed.  Aziz hoisted herself up into Gamzee’s wild mane while he chuckled, chuffed with the world. 

“I think,” Karkat began, quiet and hesitant, “I think I was somehow afraid…. Worried that she’d end up like me. Just another freak. A freak who would have to hide. And would be alone forever.”

“Well, you ain’t gotta worry about none of that nonsense, best beloved,” Gamzee assured him in a low croon. “Like fuck I’d let you keep this baby girl a secret from us.”  Still wearing Karkat’s grub like a particularly excitable hat, Gamzee smiled at Karkat in a way that had the shorter troll trembling from relief.  “Another thing, my brother: why ya’ll up and think ya got to be hiding? Sure you got up to some of that back on our blunderfucked planet full of ugly-hearted motherfuckers, but that’s all up and gone now, yeah?  None of us left but them who only got the sweets for you.  Maybe that one bitchsister Serket was scary for everyone a while but she changed some, just like the rest of us.  Plus she got her little boy blue to up and keep her busy.”

John…. Karkat’s insides twinged at the thought of him. God, they were home now and he totally missed it.  His already furrowed brow delved into even deeper creases and with one look back up to Gamzee—those soft and ever-pitying indigo eyes—Karkat concluded that he had reached the end of his feelings jam.  All the feelings were out, none hidden anymore.   Dave still lingered like a bruise that was unnoticeable until pressed against but Karkat kept turning Kanaya’s words over in his mind.

Karkat needed his friends.  And now he _wanted_ them.

“I can see that glimmer of a miracle in your eyes, bro,” Gamzee said, leaning in to kiss Karkat’s forehead. Aziz squealed and slipped forward a little, tumbling into Gamzee’s outstretched arms when he pulled away. Karkat decided he was never giving his grub to his moirail ever again and rescued her.

“I’m starving, you imbecile, that’s your miracle,” Karkat grumbled, but let himself be helped to his feet since he was preoccupied with an armful of wiggler.

The two moirails left the darkness of Karkat’s respiteblock, Gamzee humming along with whatever song was in his head, his arm around Karkat’s shoulder while Karkat paid close attention to his feet on the stairs as they descended.  So much so that he didn’t realize how occupied his living room had become in his seclusion.

But it soon became apparent.

“Karkat!”

Karkat snapped his gaze up and found his face full of blue-eyed boy blunder all reassured smiles and warm cheeks and oh god he was having flashbacks to when he used to have a crush on this asshole.

“Wow, Egbert, I did not believe you could possibly become more obnoxious after a harrowing trek into the unknown with a bunch of douchebags in tow but congratulations, you seemed to have surpassed all expectations and now have come out with the gold in the fuckface trollympics.  Somebody bring this asshat a medal.”

John fucking _giggled_ and then swooped Karkat into his arms and then subsequently into the air which made Karkat scream and Aziz squeal and then John stayed there, hovering with Karkat cradled in his folded legs.

“Oh wow, troll baby!” John said as he looked down at Aziz and ignored how Karkat was baring his fangs and eyeing John’s jugular. “Let me hold her, please Karkat?”

“Sure, I see how it is, ask permission to manhandle my delicate little grubling but god forbid we even get consent before sweeping me out of the sweet, comforting clutches of gravity. Fuck you forever, John.”

John waggled his eyebrows at Karkat, which elicited a soft growl and a face full of blush and then Karkat offered his baby to the human idiot.  And then the human idiot couldn’t stop giggling.  He twisted zephyrs and gusts to float Aziz a little bit higher; Karkat’s awaiting arms were held out to catch her if she fell.  Karkat trusted John more than he trusted a lot of the assholes that lived in the commune. Didn’t mean that it didn’t freak him the fuck out to have his baby floating a full story above ground.

“I swear to god, John, if you let her fall…,” Karkat said, unable to keep the growl out of his voice.

“I would never,” John said softly, which was such a sudden departure from his carefree whimsy that Karkat blinked at him, stupid, for a moment.  Aziz, like John, decided that giggling was the only thing she wanted in life.  She was shrieking in delight and only when she started coughing after John twirled her in little flips did he finally settle her once again.  John let Aziz nestle in his arms and cuddled her against his chest, rubbing her back gently until she worked through her little fit.  Karkat just gaped at him.  John eventually caught his stare and broke out into his derptastic grin.   “Dude, she’s beautiful.”

“Fuckdammit, John….”

“Whoa, are you crying?”

“FUCKDAMMIT, JOHN!”

John just laughed.  “Okay, so…due to some lesbian shenanigans, you and Dave ended up with a baby, is that what I’m hearing?”

Karkat rubbed furiously at his eyes and sniffled one good snort before nodding.  “That is how I came to this shitty part of my life, yes, that sounds accurate.”

“Well, reprehensible lesbian shenanigans aside, your baby is cute. What’s her name?”

Karkat took a breath and relaxed in John’s lap, staring up at him like he was the wiggler and John was his father. This whole situation was weird. Why the fuck were they in the air again? Why was Karkat so readily up for chilling in John’s lap?

“It’s Aziz. Listen, fucknut, what prompted this trip into the atmosphere. Don’t worry, you can tell me, your idiocy isn’t a secret to anyone anymore.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” John laughed.  “I just missed you, buddy.  And maybe I wanted to keep you out of the way of everyone else because I had first dibs.”

“Quit…. Quit _flirting_ with me you asswad, you already have a matesprit!” Karkat snapped, whispering and flushing and digging his claws into his palms while John continually eyebrow-waggled at him.

“She’s not my matesprit, she’s my girlfriend.  And she flirts with Terezi all the time. I’m allowed.”

“Jesus fuck…that’s because they’re kismeses, swill-for-brains!”

“And you’re my palhoncho, so there.”

“Your logic is a disgrace to intelligence everywhere.”

“I missed you too, Karkat.”  John held his arms open, Aziz clinging docilely to his shirt, purring happily.  Karkat sighed and leaned in, letting John hug him and he pressed a discreet kiss to Aziz’s head.  “Shit’s been rough for you, buddy.  Don’t worry. We’re here to take care of you now.”

“I’ve already got a moirail, you quadrant-mongering human paleslut,” Karkat huffed. The acid of it was subdued, though.  His face tucked against John’s shoulder, Karkat breathed in a little, his cheeks darkening as the human boy’s familiar scent filled his senses.  He’d long gotten over his flushcrush on John but it didn’t change the fact that John was still attractive as fuck and smelled good.  John flirting with him (and consciously choosing to do so) didn’t help anything either.

“And I’m sure he’ll be spearheading the war efforts.  I’m the second-in-command.  Fill me in, dude, don’t skimp on the details.”

Karkat drew away again and they all bobbed gently in the air while John paid sincere attention to him and gentle attention to Aziz who ended up falling asleep in John’s arms.  Karkat retold the bare details, enough to catch him up on the situation but not the soul-bearing confession he’d given Gamzee.  He trusted John but he wasn’t up for offering his bloodpusher on a silver nutrition plateau to him.  This was good enough.  He just cut out most of the shit about how he was heartbroken over everything.

“Last night, he showed up and found out about Aziz,” Karkat explained.

“Yeah, I saw him, he looked…dude, I dunno, like he’d been punched in the brain or something,” John said, his mouth scrunching up in concern.

Karkat winced and stared down at the floor far below.  Gamzee was down there with Kanaya and Rose and, jeez, Tavros was there too. Vriska was supposedly around, but Karkat hadn’t seen her.  Even so, the company below had been keeping to themselves even though Karkat was sure that his conversation with John had been far from discreet.  How generous of them….

“That’s because I sprung the news on him that he was a proud parent while I had him backed into a corner and then I told him to stay the fuck out of my life forever.”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah, I regret it.”

“You had him backed into a corner?”

“He freaked Aziz out, which made me angry, and then he accused me of making grubs with my moirail like it was some personal offense to him so yeah, I was petty and pissed.”

“Understandable, man.”  John nodded sagely.  “Sounds to me like he was jealous.”

Karkat scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah Egbert, that’s exactly why he decided to dump me a few months ago to go put his freakish human bulge in someone considerably more attractive than me.”

“Nah, he was definitely jealous.”

“That doesn’t make any goddamn _sense_ ,” Karkat insisted.  “If he wanted to keep fucking me then why the fuck did he stop fucking me?”  Someone beneath them coughed awkwardly.  Karkat blushed and ignored it.

“Don’t ask me, buddy, I don’t have a clue,” John said, shrugging.  “Dave logic is the most idiotic of everyone’s, including mine.  You’ll have to ask him if you really wanna know.”

“Welp. Missed that fucking rail-transport vehicle. Guess the mystery will live on until it becomes nothing but a myth and our centuries-later generations will fill up their historical television shows with documentaries with a bunch of assholes conjecturing about Dave Strider’s reasons for being a pan-absent bucketfucker.”

“Dude, if you regret telling him to stay out of your life, all you gotta do is tell him you didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, but maybe it won’t matter anyway,” Karkat mumbled.  “Maybe he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me since I’ve got a bastard hanging off of me now.”

“Actually, she’s hanging off of me right now.  And don’t call your sweet little baby a bastard.  Hell, I bet you Gamzee and Tavros would totally marry you and –”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Egbert. You are done talking. Forever.”

John just laughed again.

“Hey, motherfuckers, we got some rad supper happening down here if ya’ll ever feel like coming back to the planet,” Gamzee called beneath them.  John gently lowered himself,  Karkat, and Aziz to the ground, though he didn’t surrender the grub to her papa.

“Joooooooohn, are you and the crabkat done having your ceiling powwow? I went out of my way to bring dinner for all these freeloaders,” Vriska called from somewhere in the kitchen.

“This is _my_ goddamn hive,” Karkat said as she came flouncing around the corner.

“And I brought food to feed all your goddamn guests, you’re welcome,” Vriska said, sneering at him.

“I’m so fucking grateful, whatever would I do without you,” Karkat snarled back.

“Come on, guys, you’re both just cranky cuz your tummies are empty, let’s eat,” John said, jovial as always.  “Here, snugglemuffin, hold the baby.”

“John, you fucker—!”

But Karkat was ushered away on both sides by Gamzee and John towards the food while Vriska was left to keep the grub safe. Which, of course, was the best decision in the world, hence Karkat’s yelling and an effort of shoosh-papping doled out by his moirail.  Vriska looked down at her armful of baby troll-human hybrid and forgot how to move.

After Karkat had been forced to fill his plate before stomping back to retrieve his offspring, he found Vriska in the exact same spot in the exact same position, only her eyes were wide and Aziz had woken up enough to roll around and make baby noises at her.  Without asking, Karkat scooped his wiggler into his empty arm, jarring Vriska out of her stupor and she looked at him like he’d just turned off the movie she had been very attentively enjoying.

“Eat first, make plans to murder my firstborn later,” Karkat grumbled at her.

“I wasn’t going to hurt her!” Vriska insisted before striding away with a smooth flip of her hair.  Karkat just rolled his eyes and retreated to the living room where everyone was making themselves comfortable among the mess and cramped space to eat.  Karkat settled on the floor, leaning against Gamzee’s legs while he fed himself and then Aziz as the minutes alternated.

All around him, his friends chatted and filled the hive with warmth and noise and…comfort.  Karkat breathed gently and focused on filling his stomach and making sure his little girl had enough to sustain herself.  John and Vriska fell into telling stories about their journey, which Karkat listened to but didn’t contribute much commentary.

For once, he didn’t feel like he had to fill the silence in order to keep himself company.  He had people here and they were here because they wanted to be.  Wanted to keep him company or support those who did.  And they were all taking care of him.  Whether they realized it actively or not.  He wasn’t alone.  Aziz wouldn’t be alone either.  They could have a family even if Dave wasn’t a part of it.  And though Karkat was still aching, he wasn’t without the support of his friends.

John sat next to him on the floor after a while and Vriska sat between Karkat and John, completing the little triangle.  Karkat raised a skeptical eyebrow at her and she held her hands out carefully.

“Can I hold her again?” she asked under her breath, looking at Aziz instead of Karkat. Vriska’s cheeks were bloomed with blue.  Karkat considered for a moment and then held his grub out for her to take.

“Try not to let her climb on you too much,” he said as Aziz wiggled her legs excitedly and Vriska’s face flashed between several reactions—surprise, panic, confusion, delight—all at once.  She didn’t say much, though, just poked and prodded and stroked the wiggler.

After ten minutes or so when there was a lull in the room’s conversation, she tilted her head towards John, her eyes still on Aziz, and said,

“Would our grub have silver hair too?”

John turned bright red.  And Karkat’s eyes lit up, an unpredicted smile breaking out wide over his fangs.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to say thank you to everyone for your support and your lovely comments. Helped me remember why I love doing this so much! Onward with haphazard narrative!
> 
> -Querel

Around dusk, a little less than twenty-four hours after he’d found out—no sleep, he didn’t even try; almost threw up once, though—Dave let Jade take his hands and pull him down to kneel next to her.  The extremely sleep-deprived and still panicking part of him wanted to ask if they were going to pray now because Dave was pretty sure baby Jesus couldn’t do a thing for them now.  

“I’m a father…somehow,” Dave confessed like the words were hiccups that he hoped to keep down somehow, succinctness speaking to his absence of self.  “With Karkat.  He had a…troll baby.  Mine…. …a little girl.”

To her credit, Jade didn’t even remotely flip any shit.  Her green eyes widened and there was a stiff silence before she took a few breaths and her shoulders eased.

“Alright,” she said, her voice sweet and soothing as cold lemonade on a summer day.  Dave blinked at her.  His shades had been perched atop his head and everything felt so blinding.  He ached through every nerve.  “Then we should go.”

He blinked again.

“What, like, just check the fuck out? Blow this popsicle stand and skedaddle for keeps?”

Jade gave him such a baffled look that Dave instantly started wondering how many brain cells he’d lost in order to jump to the conclusion he’d made.  Too many, it seemed.

“No, Dave, we should go to them. To Karkat and the baby, to find out what they need.”

“…yeah.”  Dave honestly didn’t know if he had the emotional and mental fortitude to face Karkat again.  Karkat and…the baby.  Karkat who had told Dave to never speak to him again with his eyes flashing vermillion with rage.  Dave had already told Jade about that part; she knew it well enough.  This new information must’ve overridden his banishment somehow.  Dave was phenomenally unsure if it was quite the exception Jade believed it was.  But he was far beyond the point of argument.  Dave Strider didn’t want anything but to feel like he had control of his life again.  He could trust Jade to guide him there.

So they got to their feet and Jade didn’t let go of his hand and they walked side by side into the warm evening, hailed by hues of pink and orange blending into the deepest blue imaginable.  Jade sang under her breath and swung their hands back and forth gently, her smile soft in the corner of Dave’s eye.  He envied her ability to take control of the situation so effortlessly.  It was probably easy for her since she wasn’t bearing the news of being an impromptu baby-daddy.  God, what did she even think about her brand new boyfriend suddenly having a kid?  Dave shuddered.  Yes, that was the first step to dealing with the whole situation: stepping out of the safe haven of denial.  He was already making progress. Someone should give him a cupcake or something.  Or a punch in the face.

Before long, Jade was tilting her head meaningfully at Karkat’s door.  They stood on the stoop for a bit while Dave collected his wits.  Even through the door Dave could hear the muffle of conversation, people laughing, volumes changing, and voices answering each other in different pitches.  Karkat’s commentary was unmistakable.  Dave took two slow breaths and a soft squeeze of the hand gripping his and then knocked on the door gently.  

The noise within dampened to a hush and then a chipper, absolutely not-Karkat voice declared, “I’ll get it!”

Dave steeled himself; the door swung open and there was John, pink-faced and floating a few inches off the ground.  John who looked quite confused, as if he’d suddenly opened the door to something absurd like a giraffe or Kanaya wearing overalls.

“Hi John!” Jade bubbled.  “May we come in?”

John quirked a smile at her and gave Dave a quizzical look before turning back over his shoulder.

“Uh, I dunno!  Karkat, Jade wants to know if she and Dave can come in.”

Dave stopped breathing.  Every single person inside—how many people were gonna be here to bear witness to this anguish—was silent as death.  John’s smile had done a complete fade out and he turned back to make crazy-anxious expressions as Dave.  There was some chirpy, squealing noise that made Dave jump out of his skin and Jade look like she had just been presented with a puppy and then finally, Vriska, of all people, spoke up.

“Look, pissy, let him in so you can give that glare to the person it belongs to.  You keep scowling at me like that, I’ll start to get ideas.”

The verbal equivalent of a keysmash happened somewhere beyond the threshold and then John shrugged and stepped aside to let them in.  Jade paused to give John a hug first but didn’t let go of Dave’s hand.

Everyone was staring at him.  Except Karkat, who was staring at the baby tumbling around in Vriska’s lap.  Kanaya and Rose were seated in an oversized armchair, Gamzee and Tavros on the couch, leaving Vriska and Karkat to the floor.  Gamzee’s hand was settled quite comfortably between Karkat’s horns.  Dave swallowed.  Jade let go.

“Karkat!”

And then Karkat was completely on the floor, having been egregiously unprepared for Jade’s enthusiastic hug.

“Karkat, I missed you so much!”

“Jesus, woman, I missed you too but I can’t express it correctly with my eye sockets fellating the carpet!”  There were giggles and shuffling and somehow Karkat found himself with a lap full of Jade Harley who was doling out Eskimo kisses like the nuzzle champion of the planet.

“Not in front of my moirail you feckless waste of life,” Karkat squeaked, to which Gamzee only chuckled deeply and scratched between Karkat’s horns.  Dave was starting to feel like this whole situation was completely contrary to what it should’ve been.  Was it just him feeling like his soul had been replaced with wet cement?

“Did you get my gift basket?” Jade asked Karkat.

“Yes, yes, I got all your pretty trinkets and useless miniscule shrubs safe and sound.  You wanna do an inventory?”  Dave could see Karkat blushing even standing at a distance.  He watched the idle way the troll’s fingers fiddled with Jade’s hair.  Inside, his heart throbbed, confused.

“Did you like everything?  You ate all the cookies, right?”

“They’re decimated, your highness.”

“Excellent, good sir.”  They shamelessly fawned over each other for many minutes, uninterrupted, Jade touching him gently and Karkat giving her sustained eye-contact until Jade kissed him right on the nose and said,

“You’re my best friend, you know that, right?”

Karkat snuffled a little and lowered his head to look at Jade’s lap instead of her earnest and affectionate eyes.

“Yeah…yeah, I know that.”

“And I want what’s best for you, for you to have the happiest, most wonderful life that you could ever want.”

“Fuck, Jade, if you’re about to slam-dunk Strider’s ass into the palezone in front of everyone just for me then we might have to consummate right here just to make the dirty-laundry exhibitionism official.”  Jade howled with laughter, a few chuckles and giggles contributed from the others in the room.  Dave considered the merits of spontaneous disintegration and wondered why he hadn’t considered taking it up as a hobby.

“Not quite,” Jade said, grinning at Karkat.  “I wanted to ask you something…but I think before I do that, you and Dave should talk.”

Before Karkat (or Dave) had a chance to protest, the room was intruded upon by an eager blind girl flinging the door open.

“Deus ex Pyrope! Everybody out except the candy-red boys and the green apple girl!” said blind girl cackled.  “Oh, and the scrumptious little grubsauce packet.”

“Terezi, I swear to fuck,” Karkat started, but everybody was already packing up and fileing out.  Vriska deposited Aziz into Terezi’s excitedly wiggling fingers before they exchanged snaps and snarls with each other. And then a rather bitey kiss.  Eventually, the hive was empty save for Terezi and her designated court.

Dave still hadn’t moved an inch from where he’d been standing all the while.  But he was almost bowled over by Terezi when she shoved him towards a rocking chair.  Aziz was chitter-chattering away and Terezi was doing an excellent job of returning communication in the grubs own tongue.

Jade removed herself from Karkat’s lap and he made an unsuccessful attempt to get his wiggler back.

“Now, now, Mister Candypants,” Terezi scolded him, “I am long overdue for an introduction with Miss Grubsauce; you’ll kindly wait your turn after I make her acquaintance!”  

Grumbling, Karkat settled onto the couch and Jade sat across from him in the armchair next to Dave.

“You showed up at the perfect time!” she said to Terezi, all smiles.

“It is no coincidence, my lady,” Terezi said, smirking, before taking a place at Karkat’s left on the sofa.

“Course it fucking isn’t,” Karkat snapped.

“Indeed!”  Terezi ejected something out of her sylladex so fast that it bapped right off Karkat’s nose and landed in Terezi’s lap again.  “For you, Squishy!” Terezi said to Aziz.  The wiggler examined and sniffed the scalemate for a few seconds before deciding it was worthy and proceeded to chew on its foot. Terezi _beamed_.  Which, with a maw full of fangs, was as much terrifying as it was adorable.

Dave spent an idle moment looking at the grub and trying to convince himself that, yeah, that was his child.  It just wasn’t clicking.  Probably because she looked more like a pet than a person.  He wondered when the grub would look less like a troll baby and more like a human baby.  Or if she ever would.  Trolls looked more humanoid than insectoid, she was bound to grow up bipedal, right?

…she made cute noises.  Dave wanted to touch her hair.

“You assholes should’ve made wigglers sooner,” Terezi decided.

Karkat growled.  Dave flinched.  Jade sighed and rolled her eyes.

“This is an emotional intervention!” Jade told them.

“Yep!” Terezi agreed.  “You both have been stupid piles of congealed bucket drippings and it’s time to stop.  If not for yourselves, then for the sake of your tiny baby science experiment.  So, Dave….”  She turned to him, grinning like he was lunch, “you’re gonna tell Karkat why you broke up with us because, unlike me, he hasn’t got a fucking clue.”  Before Dave’s insides could completely evacuate, he was halted in his panic.

“Stop.”

There was a sudden silence, heavy with a soberness that snuffed out the sort of morbidly cheery attitude that both girls had been sporting.  The focus shifted to Karkat and his piercing glower.  “I don’t want to hear it.  I don’t want to know.”

“Karkat, that’s why you should know,” Terezi insisted.  “Because you’re just making assumptions—”

“Since when is it your fucking prerogative to go digging around in people’s minds for their secrets and then demanding they spit them out in front of everyone?” Karkat yelled.  Aziz almost immediately began to cry, which made Karkat forget all his rage.  He picked her up in an instant, taking the scalemate with him, and mouthed at her horns.  Soft shooshes and kisses issued in whispers from his lips while he petted her and she made shrill wails.

Dave’s fingers wrung together anxiously.  He couldn’t keep his eyes off them, wide-eyed with a feeling like belts had been cinched around his chest.  He swallowed hard.

“No,” he finally said, so gently it almost went unnoticed.  Karkat’s head whipped around and was halfway to a snarl without thinking.  Dave didn’t let the snarl impede him.  “No, she’s right. I’ll fill you in.”

“Strider,” Karkat warned, “I swear on my only child’s life that if you humiliate and shame me in my own goddamn hive, I will erase you so thoroughly no one will even remember your fucking name.”

“Fine, that’s cool with me,” Dave said.  It was as if his soul was stitching itself back into his skin.  Even with a brain soaked with exhaustion and distress, he found a lucid strand of sincerity to use as his lifeline.  He took a deep breath and gave it a shot.  “Look, dude, when we were young and bratty and dumb as shit—”

“You still are.”

“Shut up.  Christ…. I had the biggest crush on Jade and I would…have like these dumb as fuck fantasies about sweeping her off her feet and building a sweet ass little love nest for us high in the alps or some romantic shit like that.  It was the dream.”

“You’re dangerously approaching the threshold of your nonexistence.”

“Great, stop me when I get there.  And, I mean, I grew up, I changed, shit happens, I got new sweethearts.  We were peachy and keen as Georgia cobbler, yeah?”

“Hell yeah,” Terezi agreed and then was subsequently ignored.

“Shit we had was good for a while but then…I dunno, man, it got different out of nowhere.”  Dave sighed, taking a moment to rub his eyes beneath his shades.  “And it’s because I wasn’t being real with you.  I was hiding shit.  We were in hate for a while but I never hated you like you hated me, Kitty.  Liked to give you shit for no good reason but to make me laugh, sure, but I always _liked_ you more than I ever could hate you.  And then I…. Fuck.  I just flipped entirely for you.  Shit changed after that, like you could tell.  So I figured it’d be best to just let you go instead of keeping you around for something you weren’t interested in.”

Karkat gaped at him.  Dave couldn’t be quite sure but the last time he saw an expression like that on Karkat’s face, it was when the troll had been monstrously ill.  Like, about to blow chunks any second kind of ill.

“You’re…you’re full of bullshit,” Karkat whimpered, horrified.  Dave took his shades off and stared Karkat right in the eyes.  “No, no, you fucking asshole, you told me that you were breaking up with me because you wanted Jade for a matesprit and she was only down with you being a one-quadrant human like the rest of your boring, stunted race always liked!”

“You what!” Jade suddenly said, her eyes flashing with a realization she’d been on the cusp of.  “Dave! Why the hell would you say something like that!” Dave turned to look her straight on, weariness in his eyes speaking of how he’d heard her repeating those words in his mind long before she ever said them.

“Oh, so that really _was_ bullshit, then?” Karkat exclaimed.  He caught himself at the beginning of a rage-induced tirade when Aziz started fussing.

“I didn’t want to tell you that I didn’t hate you,” Dave confessed softly.  “You were already so insecure about our relationship anyway.  Always on guard, ever since I stitched you up….”

“That’s because I became flushed for you that day, you fucker, I was afraid you were going to find out!”

Dave’s heart stuttered in his chest.  A breath and a blink and both boys were blushing a bright red.  Jade was quite pink herself with a sort of manic grin on her face, eyes wild with the crazy onslaught of emotion that permeated the air within the room.  Terezi was laughing.  Loudly.  So was Aziz, only her laughs were more like shrieks.

“Secret’s out, you’re both first class morons!” Terezi said, like she was announcing they won a trip to Disney World.  

“You were both in love with each other all along,” Jade said, her voice full of airy lightness and the kind of reverence Karkat usually reserved for his most treasured romcoms.  “You guys are so stupid but that’s literally adorable.”

“Well what about you, dogbreath!” Karkat accused, suddenly finding two braincells to rub together.  “He’s your matesprit!  And you’re glowing like you just found out magic was real all along!”

Dave couldn’t find any words, like his confession had been this fluke that he materialized from thin air.  ‘Fucking stupid’ couldn’t begin to describe how dumb he had been; Karkat had wanted him red for so long…. And Dave had thought the waning passion in their relationship was all a reaction to his own unspoken change of heart.

“Karkat, you love Dave!” Jade said, just to drive the point home.  Dave’s face shocked a deep red and his mouth opened, his eyes desperately seeking Karkat’s.

“See,” Karkat growled, “that’s where you’re goddamn mistaken.”  The color was draining from his cheeks like the light snuffing from his eyes.  “I don’t.  Not anymore.”  His gaze hardened and Dave felt it pierce through his unguarded eyes, finding a direct vein to sink poison into Dave’s heart.  “What pity I had long dried up after I realized this asshole wasn’t fucking worth it.”

The joke was over.  They had come clean all at once but it had done nothing but rip stitches out of haphazardly healing wounds. Karkat had agonized for too long over Dave fucking Strider.  He wasn’t going to waste his time doing it ever again.

“So much for serendipity,” Karkat muttered, turning away as he pet Aziz’s back and she very genuinely expressed interest onto climbing on top of his head.  “Now, are we done with the emotional revelations because I am exhausted and my wiggler needs a bath and I’m tired of you assholes taking up my breathing space.”

Jade jumped up from her spot on the couch and reached for Aziz, taking her gently off Karkat’s head.

“I still wanted to ask you something, Karkat,” she said, nuzzling the baby’s face.

“What, Jade,” Karkat sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to come have a sleepover at my place! A long one, like a week or so.  I still want to show you the greenhouse and I wanna spend time with you and I wanna get to know your daughter!”

Dave made a choking noise which prompted Karkat to bare his teeth at him.  But after a sigh and an eye-roll, Karkat agreed.

“On the condition that Strider can only enter your hive if I allow it.”

“Fine with me!  Dave’s in the doghouse for being a liar!”

Terezi cackled.  Dave sat there and wondered what sort of clusterfuck his precious little life had collapsed into.

 


End file.
